What Really Makes Men Want To Get Dominated In The Bedroom

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dominant sex

As a clinical sexologist and marriage counselor, I help high-powered executive men manage their secret sex lives. Many of these men want to be submissive in the bedroom — they have kinks they want to explore — but are not able to talk to their wives about it.

As complicated as this may sound, the idea of a successful business man supporting his family and being in control all day and then having a woman dominate him sexually — it can be liberating.

Men with stressful day-to-day lives often find that experimenting with BDSM and submission can help them release a considerable amount of stress and anxiety. (Not to mention, the additional sexual benefits.)


Most of these men I interact with are married, in important positions at work, and are the providers for their families. Some of these men have already ventured down the path of seeking out a female dominatrix to achieve the sexual gratification that they are too embarrassed to explore with their wife.

Many times they get themselves in a situation where exposure can cost them everything and that includes their family and career.

Some types of male submission can include different forms of control and punishment. This includes bondage, spanking, whipping, being made fun of (humiliation), or having to wear a chastity belt, chains, and other bondage paraphernalia.

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A man being told what to do by a woman sexually can take his mind off of everything else and allow him to be in the moment and taken away. Giving someone else control over his orgasm can invigorate and excite him throughout the day.

A day of kinky pain and pleasure can leave him with the reminder of that stress release throughout the week. Some men will seek out this type of pleasure once in a while and, for others, it can become an obsession.

One of the more complicated forms of male submission is financial domination, where a man seeks out a dominating woman to control his finances, giving her the power to manage his life. This form of domination has caused some men to go broke or in serious debt.

One way to be a submissive male and get the enjoyment from it (without the shame, blame, or guilt) is to find a partner who is accepting of their lifestyle or to find a way to get his wife involved slowly, with the help of a marriage counselor specializing in sexual issues.

If a man is fortunate enough to have a wife be involved in his kinks and sex play — or, if he's not married, find a partner that will play with him — it can be a wonderful stress release and a true sexual awakening.

The sense of liberation for a man who has an accepting partner who will accept his desire for a submissive BDSM experience can be amazing. However, on the flip side, when a man has to keep his desire for being sexually dominated a secret can become a huge emotional and physical burden.