Your children aren't possessions! Take these steps to stop ruining your kids' lives.
By David Wygant — Written on Nov 05, 2014
How many of you have gone through a nasty divorce? How many of you are still in a custody battle that seems to be going on forever and ever? How many of you are fighting over the kids like they're possessions, instead of beautiful kindred spirits and souls? Raise your virtual hand right now.
Children are not possessions; children need a mother and a father, no matter how much of a super mom you are and how wonderful you think you are. Your kids still need the father, and even if he's not the best father in the world, he still needs an opportunity to grow into the role.
He'll become the dad that they need because kids need a male influence. Young girls and young boys need their father. A friend of mine went through a custody battle, where his goals and sheer passion in life was to destroy her. He was a very controlling and the woman was a possession. Does this resonate with any of you?
Gettting Married Early
She was young, beautiful, and naive, as we all are when we get married in our early 20s. She was strikingly beautiful and he was the handsome prince. But as you know with a lot of princes (if you've watched the movie "Frozen," Hans, the handsome prince, turned out to be a manipulative scheming devil who got caught in his own game by the dumbfounded, cute, Christophe), the princess got taken in.
She realized after a few years of marriage that her prince was no longer a prince. He was more like Hannibal Lecter—abusive, mean, and all together an asshole. So, she did what any other princess would do and had another kid: "Let's add one more kid to the family and hopefully things will work." Sometimes it's by accident, but a lot of the time it's a subconscious thing.
Many of you have been through relationships and marriages where you feel like if you leave, you failed. Actually, the whole time you're failing by not being true, authentic and honest with yourself. When you stay in these marriages that aren't nourishing to your soul, when you're fighting for a man to love you the way you need to be loved, and fighting for attention, you're telling the universe that you're not worthy of love. You're not worthy of a deep connection.
The Value Of Self-Love
Practice self-love (love by itself) and meet people that will love you. Unfortunately, at times in our life, due to our programming we get into a marriage and we hear "until death do us part." The problem is, we'd rather die than continue in that marriage. The funny thing about it is, "till death do you part" was written a long time ago, when people lived until 30. So death usually did them apart before the horrors of modern romance.
So, what did our princess do? She stayed in that marriage and stayed, and stayed. She was super mom all the way—home schooling the kids and doing activities with them. He was a controller in all ways, shapes, and forms. Finally, the princess woke up and decided it had to end. So, the man set out to bring the princess down and control everything—the money, treating the kids like they were possessions. Everything. And the princess stood no chance.
She had to be separated from her kids. She had no choice because he did everything he possibly could to make that happen. She had to run, she had to hide, and she had to rejuvenate her mind before she could fight him again. She literally had to go to another state to get back her soul, because she knew she'd be in for a battle; the battle over the kids.
The Battle Over Kids
It's very sad. So many people battle over kids, but if you're a man and you take the kids away from their mother, you're doing them an injustice. YOU are screwing them up, teaching them to do without a woman's influence, her nurturing, and her support.
If you're a mother who doesn't allow the father to see the kids, you're showing them the same exact thing. You're showing them that men suck, that men are evil. Watch the words you use around your kids. The way you present your relationship with your significant other, or ex-significant other, does damage to children in the long run.
Kids are not possessions. What kids witness is the way they're going to have relationships in the future. You gave your kids no shot in hell of having successful relationships because you gave them stories they're going to take into adulthood, stories of how relationships should be and stories of how you should treat people.
What To Expect
The father who shows his little girls that he treats women like crap—the kids are going to do what? Expect to be treated like crap. The mother who bashes her ex-husband non-stop is going to teach the daughter how to treat men going forward. Her son is going to feel emasculated because his mother was busting balls 24/7, so he'll go for a woman that busts his balls. The damage we do to kids is from our own selfish, egotistical behavior when we get divorced from the wrong person. The anger we have is taken out on the kids.
The kids become possessions. So, if you're going through one of these battles, or if you have an ex like this, I strongly suggest you do some healing right away. Not for yourself, but for the sake of your kids' future. Otherwise, they'll be reading this blog in 15 years, buying my products and trying to figure out why their own relationships are such a mess. Well, they can thank mom and dad.
