What Your Longest Relationship REALLY Says About You

The other night I was out with friends. We sat down and started talking about relationships.

Of course someone asked the inevitable question. "You teach dating and relationships; what's your longest relationship?"

I get that question all the time. How do you keep getting relationships?

Why aren't you married? How do you keep staying in relationships if your marriage didn't work out?

I get attacked for my answer all the time too. My answer is ...

I'm in a 12-year marriage with T-Mobile. Sure, we get into arguments once in a while.

When a call drops, I get angry and curse her out. Sure, I call customer service up and get angry at the reps because I'm tired of having my calls dropped and not being heard all the time.

But I've invested 12 years and counting into this relationship. They remind me of our relationship status every time I call.

They tell me, "Thank you so much for being a dedicated and loyal subscriber for the last 12 years."

That's right. That's me; I'm dedicated, loyal and I don't cheat.

I didn't screw around with Verizon or AT&T even though they had the iPhone first. Verizon and AT&T tried to seduce me with their ridiculously big family plan. They told me I could get a phone for everyone that worked for me plus their cousins.

I'd get the same amount of data at the same price, but you know what, I dedicated myself to my relationship. So, I told the friend's at dinner about my longest relationship. They weren't buying it.

One of the girls looks at me and said, "Come on, a real relationship."

"Okay, American Airlines; I've been platinum for like 11 years."

I only fly American. I don't even look at prices; I just fly American.

I'm in the Million Mile Club; isn't that as good as being part of the Mile High Club?

That's a long relationship; I don't ever break up with American.

Even when I heard they were becoming US Airways, I stayed loyal. US Airways is disgusting. Have you been on a US Airways plane? They're nasty.

There was a chance that American Airlines was going to join with US Airways, but I stuck with American.

I could have gone to United. I could have gone to Virgin. They would have given me status and they would have matched if I gave them the same amount of money I give American every year.

Not me; I believe in my relationships.

I don't like to cheat on my airline or my cell phone carrier. They sat there and they looked at me like I was insane.

Finally someone gets to the heart of what they're asking. "No, what's your longest relationship with a woman?"

Why does that matter? 

My longest relationship with a woman shouldn't matter. I haven't met the right woman to have the longest relationship with. Aren't I showing great staying power?

Think about it. T-Mobile drops my calls like a woman who doesn't listen to me.

As for American, have you ever sat on some of their old planes in their seats? It's like being next to the most unaffectionate person in the world.

You're not being nurtured at all, and you're not being caressed on that flight; it's brutal.

I leave those flights with a bad backache and in need of a hug—but I stay with it.

So, the next time someone asks you what your longest relationship is, answer them the same way. Are you a Verizon person, an AT&T person?

Or are you proud of the fact that you spent 18 years with a man you didn't love?

You were there for 15 years because you wanted to "stay together for the kids." Yet, you sleep in separate beds and barely speak to one another.

You had an 18-year relationship that should have disappeared after three years.

Think about my 12 years with T-Mobile. I probably have better communication with all the customer service reps at T-Mobile than you had during your 18-year marriage.

But the real meaning behind this is to learn not to judge people. Just because someone hasn't been in a long-term relationship doesn't mean they don't want a long-term relationship.

Don't judge them if they've had 10 3-year relationships since they were 20 years old and they're now 50. Don't judge them on anything.

Just listen to who they are now as a person. Relationships are what form us. Our relationships, our experiences, are what make us the people we are right now.

When you ask me my longest relationship, honor that T-mobile and I are still together. Honor the fact that American Airlines and I are together.

Stop digging in deep, asking whether or not my ex and I are still good friends. For the record, we are.