Love, Self

What Real Men Want (Hint: It's More Than Great Sex)

Dating Coach: What Real Men Want In A Relationship

Today I want to share something very personal with you. I love sex. I love a woman who is self-aware and in charge of her sexuality. I love a woman that can push the limits with me, really turn me on, and become my sexual equal. I love a woman whose creativity in bed blows me away so much, I can't stop thinking about her all day long. I love women who surprise me with brazen and daring ideas. As a competitive man, of course I try to turn her on even more than she has turned me on.

I love that type of woman. It's the type of woman I can imagine being with for a long time. But, and it's a BIG but — and an insight into the way men think — even though men love sex, it's not enough. I'll say it again. Great sex isn't enough for a man. There has to be more.

I was in a relationship recently that didn't work because of this. I was with this great woman. She was beautiful, sexy, nurturing, loving, and amazing in bed. But she was also emotionally unstable. Every day was a challenge. Not for me, but for her. She'd wake up and feel like her entire life was falling apart. So what would I do every morning? I'm a coach, so I'd spend hours every day talking her up, showing her how beautiful life can be, and most importantly how to embrace the small wins and positive moments.

What would happen if I wasn't with her for a few hours? Her life would spiral out of control. This would happen day in and day out. She's an amazing, beautiful woman, just as most of you are. But she just couldn't see the bigger picture. She couldn't embrace the little wins in life, nor acknowledge how great she is. If you can't do that, it doesn't matter how good you are in bed.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? You meet a great man. You capture his heart. You capture his soul. You rock in the bedroom. But you can't go any further than three to six months with him before the relationship falls apart, and he ends up breaking it off like all the other guys do.

Does this happen to you on a regular basis? It's frustrating isn’t it?

It's frustrating for the guy too, because when he meets you, he wants nothing more than for the two of you to get on. He wants to spend time with you. He wants amazing things to happen for you both. He's actually your biggest fan. He believes in you more than anyone does, but he can't be your emotional crutch. After three to six months, you've worn him out emotionally. He can't do it anymore. He can't keep rallying you every day. It takes away from his life. It's draining. He starts to feel your pain because he loves you, and he wants you to be happy. Your self-destructive behavior is ruining your relationships. You need to work on yourself, and your happiness before you can expect someone else to love you. I'm sure you've read the books, and maybe even you've gone to therapy. But how many of you have quit when the going got tough?

You see, I truly believe every single one of you can have the life (and the partner) you want. I believe each of you can experience the love you need, want, desire, and deserve. And I believe you can end this negative dating cycle. You can end the frustration of being with a great man for three to six months, until the whole thing comes crashing around you.

Your true self is that beautiful, loving, incredible woman the man sees and believes in. But you need to start seeing it too. You need to be able to embrace that. You need to take the steps necessary to work on yourself before you look for love. The steps might be difficult, but you can form new habits in just 30 days. It doesn't take as long as you think.

Think about the last few relationships you've had. Look at what each man has taught you, and then say to yourself, "I can already attract beautiful men. Now I need to work on myself, so I can avoid making the same mistakes that cost me those men. I need to learn the lessons, and start celebrating the small wins every day."

Every day you have to look at your life and remind yourself how beautiful it is. You have to look at yourself and acknowledge how beautiful YOU are. You see, what happens when you start changing your beliefs is you become ready for the next guy who comes around. You'll be in love with yourself, and that's the key.

And this time, you'll hang on to the guy. You'll break through the magical six-month barrier and beyond. But you have to do the work. I'd have loved to have stayed with the woman I was dating. She was amazing. She was everything I want in a woman. I just can't be someone's emotional rock every single day. I can do it in a healthy way, but not once it starts to affect my life. Men can't be with a woman they have to constantly build up and motivate.

So if you struggle with these self-destructive behaviors, I urge you to get yourself help. Do the work. Take the steps you need to take. I know you can do it. Sure, it might be tough, but guess what's going to happen once you get back out there? Your beauty, your sexuality, and your essence are going to shine, and you're going to attract another amazing man. I believe in you. But you have to start believing in yourself.

For free dating advice for women and a deeper look into the mind of man, check out David's site.

More dating coach advice on YourTango: