6 Reasons Why He's Avoiding Sex With You

Plus, what you can do to fix a sexless marriage.

Common Reasons Husbands Avoid Sex With Their Wives & How To Fix A Sexless Marriage Unsplash: JD Mason

Question: I am 43 and I think I look pretty hot! My husband hardly touches me, but I see him touching his private parts when I am not there and when I catch him and he looks at me, he does not look like he wants to even try to have sex with me. Why is he doing that? And he says he loves me and blah, blah, blah...I am about to give up! … Pam

Answer: Generally speaking, if a man is sexually able to perform, he will not turn down sex with his partner. Why then is your guy avoiding you, even though you're hot and hot-to-trot? There could be several reasons.


RELATED: 10 Ways To Fix A Sexless Marriage And Get Back In The Saddle

Here are the most common reasons men are no longer turned on by their wives and women find themselves in a sexless marriage.

1. There is something else within your relationship that he is very unhappy about.

He is avoiding sex with you because of it.


Although this is more common with women than with men, there are still some men who won't perform if they're feeling alienated or angry.

2. You've changed in some major way, either physically or attitudinally.

And he is unhappy or uncomfortable with that change.

3. He has performance anxiety.

And it's due to some condition that he hasn't disclosed to you.

RELATED: 4 Reasons Why There's No Sex In Your Relationship

4. He's "getting it" somewhere else.

And doesn't need or want it from you.

5. He finds sex with you less-than-fulfilling.

This is usually not the case, since for most men, any sex, even bad sex, is better than no sex.

6. He has questions about his sexual preferences.

He may struggling to understand his sexual orientation and doesn't know how to discuss this with you.


Any of the above could, in fact, be the cause of his avoidance of physical intimacy with you.

That said, the fact that you discovered him masturbating means nothing.

He's just pleasuring himself because he needs the release, and for whatever reason is unwilling to approach you.

So, my advice is that you approach him. Take the initiative and seduce him and see how he reacts. Tell him you want to please him and ask him to tell you as graphically as possible how you can do that. Then follow his instructions to the letter.

If that doesn't re-awaken his desire for you, then it's time for you to initiate a serious talk to find out what is going on.


One way or another, at least you'll know where you stand.

RELATED: 7 People In Sexless Marriages Reveal Why They Stopped Having Sex

Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV writer and producer who's worked on some of television's best shows. For more information, visit his website.