The 41 Best Oral Sex Tips For Men — Position, Techniques, Toys & More

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Recently, a friend posed a question: What would you do if man refused to perform oral sex or go down on a woman he was dating?

I posted a poll asking the women I know, and the results were interesting:

  • 10 percent swore they would leave.
  • 30 percent would wonder if something was wrong with them or their partner.
  • 47 percent would try to get to the root of the problem by discussing it directly.

Only about 13 percent said they could live without it, despite consistent misconceptions and myths that women don't care as much about receiving oral sex as men do. In fact, performing oral sex on a woman is one of the surest ways to give her the most intense orgasms of her life.

This is why I'm sharing a comprehensive list of oral sex tips for men, including technique, oral sex positions and sex toys that can help you be better at oral sex. 

This is especially important considering that most women are unable to achieve orgasm through penetrative intercourse alone. 

RELATED: 6 Seriously Unexpected Tips For How To Go Down On A Woman (As Told By A Lesbian)

That means, according to my little survey, almost 90 percent of women consider a lack of oral sex to be a big problem, so I’m bringing it up before your partner does.

Guys, whatever your reasons may be for not going down on a woman, it’s time to give it another try.

Maybe you don't know how to give a woman oral sex, or you think cunnilingus is just too intimidating. Don't worry, most guys have been there. 

Here are 41 oral sex tips for men who want to give women huge, intense orgasms.

1. Go slow.

You want her. I know. And you want to get in there and get her going so she will orgasm quickly.

But that's not how most women's anatomy (or even psychology) works. You need to slow down, take your time, and reframe your expectations for how long it takes to turn a woman on. 

2. Take in her whole body, making your way down.

Every woman is different and has different erogenous zones. Some women may like a lot of attention spent on their nipples, others would love for you to spend hours kissing their thighs. 

Whatever parts she loves to have touched, nibbled or kissed, start there and take time making your way to her actual vagina last. Work your way down (or up) paying attention to what is getting the biggest response. 

Which leads me to my next point...

3. Read her body language. 

There's no owner's manual for a woman's body that will give you instructions for how to make her orgasm with your mouth, so you'll need to read her sighs, curled toes, and arching back instead. 

Even better...

4. Ask her what she likes.

Whether you ask her when you're in the middle of a romantic dinner for two or in the throes of passion, it's good to know what she likes. 

She may say, "I like it hard and fast" or "I like a light touch" or even "I can't say right now, but I know it when I feel it!"

There is no better teacher about your partner's body than your partner herself. 

RELATED: 3 Oral Sex Tricks To Make Women Orgasm Using Only Your Tongue

5. Warm her up with your fingers.

Once you've worked your way down, try touching her with your fingers. That doesn't mean digitally penetrating her right away. It means caressing, massaging or using feathery touch on her lips, mons venus, and inside her labia on both sides of her clitoris. Then you can dip gently into her vagina for wetness and to tease her. 

Once she's warmed up and wet, move your mouth down there.

6. Use a lubricant designed for oral sex.

There are plenty of flavored lubricants on the market, and if she doesn't lubricate easily or enough, trying one designed for performing oral sex can make all the difference! It can make your fingers slip easily over her body while you warm her up, but will taste wonderful when you put your mouth there, too. 

These are also fantastic for lubrication when you put your fingers inside of her. 

7. Move her panties aside before you pull them off.

There's something about knowing your partner can't wait to get to your beautiful parts that is so sexy. That's why moving the crotch of her undies to the side to gain access is so hot. You just have to touch her right then, and that urgency makes the whole experience so much hotter. 

8. Compliment her. 

Don't just compliment her body, compliment her actual genitals. Tell her what makes them sexy, why you desire them, and how great they taste. 

Women are taught to be insecure about their vulvas and too often worry about tastes and smells. If she senses you're feeling the least bit obligated or bored, she will shut down.

Please be aware of how vulnerable she may feel lying there with her legs spread and try to be very complimentary and enthusiastic.

Reassure her by giving her authentic, sexy compliments. I promise it will pay off.

That little extra effort can turn a self-conscious woman into the lusty, naughty woman you’ve always wanted.

9. Use your breath. 

Few things are sexier than your warm breath on the outside of her panties or even against her naked flesh. Don't make a big show of the breath, just add it in as a tease and see if the longing makes her moan. 

10. Pull her panties down slowly.

Tease her by drawing out the removal of her panties. Trace the path of them coming off down her leg with your mouth. She will be begging you for more after just a few inches.

RELATED: Men, Please Stop Making These 5 Common Mistakes In Bed

11. Talk dirty while you're at it. 

You definitely want to use your mouth for more than just talking, but slipping in a few dirty or sexy phrases while you're enjoying her will amp up the pleasure. 

12. Gently open her lips.

It's easy access for your mouth, but it also shows her that you want to take in all of her. So many women are insecure about their vulva and wonder if it's weird, unusual or even gross.

When you gently open her labia you can take her in, tell her she's beautiful, and show her that her most vulnerable parts are desirable.

And that's hot. 

13. Put one hand on her pubic bone.

Place one hand on her mons venus, above her clit but below her belly. 

This serves two purposes: You can try applying gentle pressure to the pubic bone as she gets turned on, to see if it makes things more intense for her. But even more importantly, you can use that hand to very gently pull back, possibly exposing more of her clit by lifting the hood over the clit.

Note: this is best done when she's already very, very turned on and her clit is engorged. Otherwise, her ciltoris may be too sensitive to be so exposed.

14. Put your hands on her buttocks so you can move her hips.

Not only is it hot to hold her butt in your hands when you're performing oral, but one of the best oral sex tips for men involves being able to change the angle of her pelvis while you're using your mouth. 

This is all about experimentation, but it can make her clitoris or g-spot more accessible and can help you maintain an easier angle on your neck.

15. Spread the love.

She loves it when you focus your attention on the clit. However, if you focus all your attention on one spot, it gets super sensitive bordering on painful.

Mix it up! Use your entire tongue. Make it flat. Make it pointy. Make it soft. Make it rigid.

The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, and you can stimulate them all!

16. Keep going slow. 

This is not fast food. This is a gourmet restaurant and she wants you to savor every moment.

Kiss and nibble her inner thighs, use your lips or your breath on her labia. She feels every little nuance, and it all feels very, very good.

17. Prop a pillow under her hips.

This may help your neck, but it also can help her angle her hips in such a way that makes oral more pleasurable for her. If she doesn't like it or needs a change-up, you can always toss it aside. 

18. Skip the "tips" from your buddies or explicit content. 

Guys, she is a regular, everyday woman. She is not a porn star. Plus, she can tell when you’re using Howard Stern’s alphabet technique (I know you can be more creative than that!).

Rather than trying something you saw or heard about from your guy friends, keep it simple.

Try swirling your tongue around her clitoris in small circles, clockwise and then counter-clockwise. Try moving up and down on both sides or licking in long, lingering strokes from top-to-bottom, and then in reverse. You’ll find the right spot, guaranteed.

19. Forget your game plan. 

If you come to the bedroom with a super specific end goal, say giving her a squirting orgasm, it can be a turn-off.

The moment it becomes goal-oriented rather than pleasure-oriented, she loses interest. Plus, she’ll feel like something is wrong with her if you try really hard and she just can’t get there.

If you want her to be comfortable with squirting, try not to focus on it too much. She wants to get lost in the moment, not feel like you are trying to turn her into your favorite webcam girl.

20. Remember the golden rule.

Think of all of the things you love when she goes down on you. Do you love gentle sucking? Nibbling? Light teeth? Deep suction? Great! Maybe she does, too!

Gently try those techniques on her clitoris. After all, it is essentially a small penis with double the nerve endings. Yes, I said double. Maybe even more. 

RELATED: Does Pineapple Juice Make You Taste Better Down There? (I Found Out)

21. Don't forget your fingers!

Once she is good and warmed up, get in there with your fingers! Many women enjoy one or two fingers inside their vagina while you kiss and suck on their clitoris. You may find her thrashing around in your bed from a blended orgasm when you try this technique.

Just be sure your fingers are very clean and that you have filed down any rough nail edges. She feels everything down there!

22. Find her g-spot.

After she is turned on and her vagina is super wet, start moving your fingers toward the top of her vagina until you feel a somewhat rough spot

As you suck on her clit, gently apply pressure here with the pads of your fingers (don't poke with your fingertips!) and move your hand in and out. Watch her reaction to this, and adjust accordingly until you find what seems to be a magical spot that makes her scream.

This combination of vagina, g-spot, and clitoral stimulation is one of the most important oral sex tips for men, and will likely give her the best orgasm of her life.  

23. Try some Ben-Wa balls or vaginal beads.

Not everyone is into sex toys like Ben-Wa balls, but for lots of people, the mere act of trying something new is hot. 

For people who love internal sex toys, beads and balls add a feeling of fullness and can put extra pressure on the g-spot, resulting in deeper, longer orgasms.

24. Hum.

Yes, hum. Make a low, moaning noise as you place your mouth over her clit. This deep vibration drives some women absolutely wild, and it's so sexy because she will feel like you're moaning with pleasure at performing the act. 

25. Use a vibrator inside her.

Some women can only orgasm with intense stimulation, and for them, adding a vibrator to your cunnilingus repertoire to help them reach orgasm when they're really turned on is key.

Some guys get freaked out about using a sex toy, as if it means their penis (or mouth) isn't enough to satisfy their partner. But that's not true at all. It's likely that she could orgasm from something you do with your body (mouth, penis, fingers, etc), but that orgasm might be deeper, faster and easier with a sex toy added in to stimulate her g-spot or add a feeling of fullness. 

One great vibrator for oral sex is The Crescendo, because it's bendable. That allows you to bend the shaft to get it out of the way of your mouth as you insert it into her vagina. That way you have a clear space for devoting attention to her clitoris. 

26. Use a vibrator on her clitoris. 

Any vibrator can work for the clitoris, including one like we mentioned above. The key is only using it when she's already turned on, so that it's not too intense on all those sensitive nerve endings.

Ask if she wants to try it, first, then start gently and see if she likes it. You can add more pressure or movement based upon what she responds to. Even better, ask her to help guide your hand!

27. Try the Lady Godiva oral sex position.

Sometimes the secret to intense orgasms during oral sex is just in position. The Lady Godiva is basically the position where she sits on your face.

Yes, there are lots of dirty jokes about this, but that naughty aspect is part of what makes it so hot. You get to be face-deep in her glorious womanhood and she gets to have more control over pressure and tempo. 

28. Give the Laid Back position a try, too.

Much like Lady Godiva, in Laid Back, she's above you. But here, she lays back against your body, facing up. If you prop a pillow behind your head, this gives you a relaxing, unusual position for accessing her entire vulva.

It's especially hot for people who like a lot of skin-to-skin contact during sex. 

29. Doggy Style is for oral, too!

Yes, you can give her oral while she's on her hands and knees! This is the best position if you like to incorporate analingus into your oral sex, but you don't have to.

Have her stick her butt up in the air and put her face down on the mattress or a pillow. So naughty, so vulnerable, but so fun. 

30. Try sitting up in a chair.

This is for her, not you. When she's sitting up in a chair or on the couch, try kneeling below her, grabbing her legs, and scooting her butt to the end of the couch. 

Put a pillow under your knees, if you want, in order to be more comfortable.

The thrill of receiving oral someplace other than the bed is a turn-on, and the position may end up making it easier for her to orgasm. It can also keep you more comfortable if your neck tends to get sore when she's lying down in bed. 

RELATED: 11 Ridiculously Hot Oral Sex Positions Men And Women Both Love

31. Relax your jaw.

This is a tip straight from sex educator and relationship expert Jordan Gray. He says, "The tendency most men have while licking is to clench up, which is what causes most guys to quickly burn out and not make it to the payoff."

Instead, think about making your jaw completely slack. Move your tongue separate from your jaw and focus on keeping yourself relaxed. 

32. Take breaks if your neck gets sore.

If you feel like your neck is going to spasm, take a break! You can pull away, sit up a bit or lie your head on her thigh, and stimulate her with your hands or a sex toy, too. 

33. Consider playing with her butt, too.

Anal play isn't for everyone, which is why it's something you need to talk about. Ask if she'd like you to touch around her butt, first, and if she likes that, suggest gently inserting your pinky finger. 

You can stimulate her anus while you're performing oral on her clitoris to intensify sensation.

Just make sure your fingernails are trimed as short as possible and that your finger is well lubricated, either with her own fluids or a lubricating product. If she seems uncomfortable, ask if she wants you to stop. More than likely, if you go slow and are gentle, she will find it a fun new twist on your oral routine. 

One key rule is that anything that touches the anus or goes inside it should not touch the vagina or vulva (or mouth) afterward. Keep it clean! 

34. Try analingus.

There are a lot of men who swear that performing analingus is the greatest thing in the world. It's OK if it's not for you, it's certainly not something most women expect.

If you do decide to try licking her there, make sure to discuss it first so you know she's into it, too. Sean Jameson, one of our favorite sex experts, has a step-by-step guide to rim jobs that is really helpful and goes well beyond simple oral sex tips for men. Definitely worth a read. 

35. Try a little bondage, if you're both into that.

A silk scarf around her wrists or a soft wrope that keeps her hands tied to the bed can be hot, hot, hot if you are into bondage kink — and many people are. Of course, any form of bondage requires open and healthy communication about boundaries and even safewords. 

For someone who loves to be bound, the feeling of releasing control to a dominant partner during oral sex is as hot as it gets.

36. Play with consensual pain.

Another common kink that comes in very, very useful during oral sex is pain play. As we mentioned above, this should be part of a consensual BDSM relationship wit well-established boundaries, as pain is definitely not hot for everyone.

There are very common ways to use pain lightly to amplify sexual pleasure, for instance a firm slap on the behind during sex or a gentle nibble on the neck or nipple. Many people don't even consider this kink or BDSM!

For some people, a nibble, bite, pinch or slap during oral makes everything better, and for many women, looking down at light bruising on the inside of her thighs the day after a great oral sex session is a serious turn-on that will have her coming back for more. 

As with any kink — and sex of any kind, really — keep talking about what you like and what you want. Make sure to always be a good dom, respecting her boundaries and doing it all in the name of her pleasure.

37. Go back for more.

Most of the time, when we think of oral sex, we think of it as foreplay. An appetizer leading up to the big meal of penetrative intercourse.

But that doesn't always have to be the case. You can perform oral on her, give her an orgasm and then insert your penis when she's ready. But that's not necessarily the end. You can also pull out, teasing both yourself and her, and go back down to tease and suck her clitoris again! 

Get her all worked up, begging for more, and then go back to penetrating her, which will likely feel even better to her afterward.

38. Stimulate yourself, too. 

While oral sex is definitely mostly about her pleasure, you get to enjoy it, too. You can try grinding against the sheets or even stroking yourself as your mouth does the work on her body.

This can fuel your oral performance with even more intensity and keep you aroused for the moment she starts begging you to move on to intercourse. 

As an added bonus, she'll probably find it hot that you're so turned on by giving her oral!

39. Plan on trying for multiple orgasms.

Not every woman is into multiple orgasms, and some may not be capable of having them, but make sure you plan to make her orgasm at least two or three times. 

This is yet another tip from Jordan Gray, and he explains, "Sometimes maintaining stimulation after orgasm can cause you to cruise right into another one. Or, you might be able to dial back stimulation for a few seconds and then ramp it right back up again to bring her to climax. I find this works relatively often."

Watch her body language and if you can't tell if she wants more, just ask. Make sure she knows that you're not just being polite, you're really into it. After all, what could be hotter than giving a woman many, many orgasms with your mouth? 

40. Stay present.

It can be hard to stay present when you're performing oral sex on a woman. As this list indicates, there's a lot to keep in mind and so many possibilities. 

But above all, try to stay present in the moment. Enjoy what you're doing and pay attention to everything she says and does, as these are indications of how much she's enjoying herself. In addition, those sounds she makes are hot. Enjoy them.

You only get this exact moment with her once, you don't want to miss out on it by worrying or rushing. 

41. Remember the little details for later.

As an added bonus of staying present, you'll remember sexy little things that happened when you were performing oral on her. Not only can you use these memories for yourself later, but you can also tease her with them in the future.

For instance, you can text or mention to her, "I can't stop thinking about how you grabbed my hair," or "God, it was so hot to find out you liked a gentle nibble on your thigh." 

She'll love knowing you had fun and enjoyed giving her pleasure, and it sets the stage to more fun together in the future. 

RELATED: How To Get It On Like A Total Pro (According To Total Pros)

Chrystal Bougon is a sex toy expert and owner of Curvy Girl Lingerie, whose passion is for making babes size 12 to size 28/30 feel relevant, beautiful and sexy.