What To Do If You Fell For 'Mr. Wonderful' (But Then Married A Narcissistic Jerk)

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narcissistic sociopath

You fell for Mr. Wonderful, but after you settled down with him, things changed — and not for the better. He made you think things were going one way, and you just wound up going along with it until you got stuck where you are, and don't know how to get back out again.

It feels like you woke up from a terrible dream... until you realized you’re actually living the nightmare.

What’s happening here? Did you open your eyes and say to yourself: “Who is this guy anyway?”  Do you keep thinking that this is not the same guy you married?

You’re absolutely right!

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Remember when you made a vow to yourself that your marriage wouldn’t be like your best friend’s marriage? It was that day that she called you in tears to tell you that her Mr. Wonderful of eight years put a ring on her finger, married her, and then beat her on their honeymoon! You were speechless, shocked, and helpless to help her.

You almost didn’t believe her, but then you reminded yourself that this was your best friend! You’ve known them as a couple for all of that time, and you couldn’t remember any signs that it was anything but good love between them. How is that possible?

For you, it was going to be different. When you met Mr. Wonderful, it was love at first sight! It was magical! You believed it was really fantastic.

He was definitely charismatic, and he oozed charm to you (and likely to all the other women he was seeing, too). You couldn’t help but want to love him, because that’s how he made you feel. 

You will forever be my always.

Your guy friends might even have warned you, but you didn't believe them.

Then, one day when you turned around, they stopped coming over. Now that you think about it, no one comes over anymore. You don’t go anywhere that he doesn’t want you to go, so you’ve lost a lot of friends over the years.

A bad relationship will make you feel more alone than you were single.

Mr. Wonderful is gone and all you’re left with is him. Now you’re his personal Cinderella and he’s trapped you.

He verbally puts you down when you’re alone, and even sometimes when you’re with others. It goes up and it goes down, over and over the same cycle of feelings: hope, disappointment, hurt, anger, loss.

It might even feel like you're going crazy at points because he keeps telling you things that you don't think are true... until you start believing them, that is. And when he pushes it too far, he convinces you that he'll get better.

And for a little while, he might even do it.

At first, you have hopes that he’ll change like he promised you he would.

Then, when he doesn’t, you’re disappointed again! Finally, when you share your feelings with him he turns everything on you and makes you feel responsible for his poor behavior.

So how come you didn’t see any of this coming? 

In the beginning, it wasn’t even tangible. It started with a glance, a small word, maybe even a stare. The next thing you knew, you were living your life to make him happy — at your own expense.

The more you tried to please him and do it his way, the more he found fault. For years, your only priority has been to make him happy and feel supported, but he just takes and takes from you and never gives anything but misery in return.

If he’s not happy, then you’re not happy. If he’s happy, then you’re happy... but there's a dash of fear that it’ll change on a dime (because it usually does).

You decided the answer was to give him even more so that things would be perfect.

If you're giving your all to someone, and it's not enough, you're giving it to the wrong person.

The really hurtful part is that the more you gave to him, the less you kept for yourself.

In other words, you kept offering up everything to him: your thoughts, your emotions, your hopes, your paycheck, and then all of a sudden… it turned sour. Now you feel numb, confused, sad, and angry.

The heart gets confused when it's constantly told I love you by the same person who destroys it. — r.h. Sin

RELATED: 10 Major, Can't-Miss-It Signs You're Dating A Complete Sociopath

Everyone else tells you how lucky you are to be married to someone so charming, intelligent, and successful. They have no idea.

You hear their words and see their smiles, but you can’t even wrap your head around what’s happening to your life.

Right now, the one thing you know for certain is that it won’t get any better. Beyond that, it’s all a blur. Your life is a composite of only two emotions: despair and fear.

All the strength you need is right there inside of you.

But starting now, you can change your thoughts and your reality, too.

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. — Lao Tzu

Now is the time to make yourself a priority! If you’re tired rest for a bit. If you’re hungry, feed yourself. If feel you need a hug, give yourself a hug.

Start taking better care of yourself. Take a walk, or maybe walk the dog a little longer. Talk to someone who isn't in your circle of friends, go see a counselor, talk to someone you trust.​

Whatever you do, start inserting a new way of being and you’ll get a different deliverable outcome. Start showing up with a new attitude about life and a higher level of hope for yourself — not for him — and see how that feels. If you keep hobbling along doing the same thing over and over, nothing will ever change!

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. — Wayne Dyer

As soon as you start to change how you think about yourself and start investing some positive conversations with yourself, things will shift!

First, you’ll need to start seeing him through a different lens (less hope and more reality). Remember, this is about you! This is about you changing, not him. This is about you investing your focus, your time, your money and your thoughts back into your own well-being!

Voila! First, you’ll probably notice that you feel lighter and more hopeful: your mood will lift and you’ll feel less anxious and overwhelmed. Then, as things become more clarified, you’ll find your path and the next steps that will lead you out of the darkness and into the light!

Keep people who love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you and make you happy. If a person does none of these things, let them go.

RELATED: 7 MAJOR Differences Between A Psychopath And A Sociopath

If you're married to a narcissistic sociopath and struggling with guilt, despair, fear or simply feeling stuck, marriage therapist Margot Brown can provide the help you need now. As the founder of KickstartYourRelationship.com and author of Kickstart Your Relationship Now! Move On or Move Outshe's empowered couples and individuals to create happier lives for over 20 years.

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