The 3 Words Every Woman Loves To Hear

Boost Your Relationship with 3 Words

Recently I've had the pleasure of explaining the power of great communication to several male clients. There are three simple words that act like magic to boost a woman's libido; it's valuable relationship advice for both men and women to understand.

A side note before I go further — when I broach this topic with clients, I always tell them I'm about to give them Super Powers (since aphrodisiacs can definitely translate into more sex), so I need them to swear they'll only use this power for good. I'll say the same thing to you, my readers. Thanks in advance for your honest integrity.

Are you ready to hear those three words? They're: Tell Me More. Not what you thought, huh? It's not something men typically say to one another, but it's definitely something a woman enjoys hearing. Here's why:

Men generally talk to:

  • Convey facts and information
  • Discuss a problem they've worked on, and are now looking for input and a solution for it

Women generally talk to:

  • Convey facts and information
  • Explore, discover and feel confident about what she wants to say (thinking out loud)
  • Create intimacy with other people
  • Find out how other people feel about them — and are feeling in general
  • Process and center their emotions to feel better

Imagine a woman's stress as a full glass of water — completely filled to the brim with her feelings. The way most women release this stress is to talk about what's bothering them. If the stressed woman is talking to another woman, she'll get lots of time to explore her feelings because instinctually, the other woman knows this is what makes her stressed friend feel better.

If the stressed woman is talking to a man, it's often a different story. The man is probably more action-oriented (most men are). He does want to make the woman feel better, so, when he hears her talking about a problem, he'll most likely offer a solution. Ironically, this often has the opposite effect. It doesn't make her feel better; even worse, she might get mad.

Here's an example. Your wife/partner comes home and says, "Oh, the traffic was so awful it took forever to drive home." If she were a man she would either be sharing the news or asking for a solution. The man's initial instinct is to either say, "Oh" as an acknowledgment or offer a solution such as "Why don't you take a different route?", "Didn't you listen to the traffic report?" or "I just drove the same way and the traffic was fine."

For a man, these responses would work great. However, she's not a man — she's a woman. So, if you offer the above response, your wife/partner is likely to say angrily/impatiently/defensively, "You don't understand how awful it was!", "That's not helpful!" or "You're not listening!"

Her "glass" is full to the brim, there isn't any room for a solution. Although the man's intention is to actively do something to help her feel better, "just listening" to her is like dipping a large spoon into the glass and taking out water. The good news is this begins to take the pressure of the stress away, and is exactly what helps her feel better. So the alternative to solving her problem is listening. When you speak, try saying things that express the sentiment of "tell me more," like "Hmmmm", "Oh my" or "Oh yeah". She'll feel better, and she'll know you care about how she's feeling. 

What I've just given you is undergraduate work. If you're ready for graduate work, then the process of repeating her words back will help her feel better even sooner. For example:

  • She says, "My boss is a jerk." Instead of saying, "You should just quit",  say instead, "I agree your boss is a jerk" (and use the same emphasis she used).
  • She says, "I had to stay home all day with the kids and I'm feeling overwhelmed." Instead of saying, "Just get a babysitter," instead say, "I see how overwhelmed you're feeling because you stayed home all day with the kids."

This reassures her that you're listening, and you understand how she's feeling. She'll start to feel better, and she'll also feel better about you. Definitely a win-win. The ultimate goal is for the woman to have the chance to empty her "stress" glass. When the man listens and empathizes, she starts to feel better.

Typically, when a woman has emptied her stress-filled glass she'll say, "Thanks, I feel better", and she's often ready to move on to other topics. Or she'll say, "Thanks I feel better, and what do you think I should do about my horrible boss?" Then, you get to give your great advice! At that point, she's ready and willing to hear it, and she'll be appreciative. As an additional bonus, when a woman feels cared about they often are interested in having sex and connecting on an intimate level.

A tip for my female readers — if you'd like your man to just listen and not offer an immediate solution:

  • Take a moment to explain to your partner you just need to talk.
  • Tell him you'll appreciate it he can just listen.
  • Explain that if he doesn't interrupt you'll feel better.
  • When you're done, thank him for listening, and express how much better you feel.

For the men reading this, there's an additional benefit of listening. Along with relieving her pressure and helping her feel better and possibly getting sex, you don't have to keep thinking about a solution to her problem while she's talking. You can relax and just listen (I know, I know — easier said than done). Treat this like any muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets... and the better you get at it (and remember the bonus).

Leave a message in the comments and let me know if this works for you!