Love, Heartbreak

Does Your Partner Pass Your Ideal Relationship Checklist?


"Jan" didn't know what to do. On one hand she loved her husband, "Mike," but on the other she disliked the way he was treating her.

It came to a head one Monday morning when he was in the shower and his phone rang. A lady's name came up on the screen she didn't recognize so she answered it. They instantly hung up.

Intrigued, she went to his text messages. Here, under the lady's name, were these loving texts between the two talking about how good their time together was and how much they loved each other.

Jan was devastated. She couldn't believe it. While she and Mike had some relationship problems, she didn't think they were that bad.

Over breakfast, Jan asked, "Who is Sue?"

"Just a girl associated with work," Mike replied. 

Jan then informed him of what she saw on his phone. Mike blushed, said it was nothing, didn't know how it had started or got to this point. He was apologetic to Jan and said he wanted to fix their relationship. 

The next morning, Jan found his phone locked so she couldn't access it. When she asked why, he said it was none of her business and he had work information on it that was sensitive. While Jan knew she should leave him, there was a part of her that was drawn back to Mike. 

Many people find themselves in Jan's situation. To help her decide whether Mike was the right person for her, she completed an exercise.

The exercise asked: Identify what your perfect partner looks like. What traits would you like in this partner?

Jan rattled off this great list, which included:

  • Honest
  • Loving
  • Caring
  • Respectful
  • Accept me for me
  • Kind
  • Loyal
  • Good communicator
  • Resolves conflict as it arises
  • Fun

There were 22 traits on her list, all being common sense traits.

She then went through the list and marked each trait with the possible answer of "Yes," "No" or "Sometimes." Jan was surprised that she had two "Yes," seven "Sometimes" and the rest were "No."

Jan could see Mike was clearly not the right partner for her. She even remembered how, when they started dating, he lacked many of the traits but she thought he would change. She then took this one step further.

The exercise asked Jan to pick the top five traits that she thought definitely had to be present in the man of her dreams. When she completed this, each of the five she selected had a "No" next to it.

This simple exercise gave her answers. It helped her make a decision that was going to serve her.

This is a great exercise to complete for anyone wishing to go into a relationship, who is in a relationship, has left a relationship or has been rejected out of a relationship.

Two weeks ago Julie and I went car shopping. We knew what we wanted in our car. We had a checklist of possible colors, number of doors, fuel consumption and accessories. If the key items didn't get ticked, that car was not for us.

If only most people were as fussy about who they have a relationship with.

Being single, they go out, meet someone who looks good, says all the right things and thinks he or she is the one. After all, going out with this person is far better than being by him or herself.

They start a relationship and, over time, discover the person they dated is not the person they are currently going out with. There is no checklist of the ideal traits. They spend more time and effort selecting their ideal car or home than their potential life partner.

Make a list. If you are in love with your partner, he should be ticking all the boxes. If some are not ticked and you think they should be, make the time to speak with them and improve this.

This is also a great exercise for you to become the best person you can possibly be. This will benefit you, your partner and everyone around you.