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Spoiler alert: It's not about the money.
By Cindy Holbrook — Written on Nov 19, 2017
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, women file for divorce two-thirds of the time. A more amazing statistic is that when the couple are college educated, divorce initiated by the wife is a whopping 90 percent!
What's more interesting that for the past 100 years the primary filer has been the woman. The divorce rate began climbing at a drastic rate in the 70s. This statistic correlates with the fact that beginning in 1969, states began adopting "no fault" divorce laws and by 1985, all states had such a law in place.
The "no-fault" divorce allowed a couple to divorce due to irreconcilable differences. Prior to these laws, adultery or extreme cruelty required proof to receive approval for a divorce.
Perhaps, this is the reason why many people think that it's no big deal for a woman to go through a divorce. The truth is that divorce is extremely painful for all parties involved. Most women do not want a divorce. They took their vows seriously and believed they would be married for life. They want a partner, a friend, a lover and a mate that cherishes them.
Even though many women work today, they are still held to the standard of being the primary housekeeper and main caregiver of their children. This adds an extreme amount of undue pressure on her. This means that women actually have two jobs. In many workplaces, women are still dealing with inequality, watching male counterparts get promotions, as they are blatantly passed over time and time again.
Due to many women's beliefs — beliefs passed down from mother to daughter for generations, they still struggle with who they are and what roles in society they ought to fill. It's an inner struggle that often leads a woman to put impossible demands on herself. She wants it all and somewhere inside of her feels that she has to do it all. Whilst at the same time she is screaming for help.
According to a Pennsylvania State University study, these are the top 10 reasons why women divorce:
1. Infidelity
2. Incompatible
3. Drinking/drug use
4. Grew Apart
5. Personality problems
6. Lack of communication
7. Physical or mental abuse
8. Loss of love
9. Not meeting family obligations
10. Employment problems
Surprisingly, financial problems was thirteenth on the list, which goes to show you that fighting over money all the time (or lack of money) is NOT one of the primary causes of divorce.
Looking over the list is proof that women want an equal partner.
When it comes down to it, both, men and women are looking for the same thing — we all want a person that loves us unconditionally. A partner that asks our opinion on important matters, trusts our decisions and respects us as a person. We all want to feel appreciated. We do not want to come second or third. When we talk, we want to feel heard.
At one time, there was love in the relationship. In order to get married most couples had to have felt at least most of the above. They felt on top of the world when they were with their partner.
Then life happened. Being different people, each person handles the stresses and pressures of everyday life differently. Arguments begin and communication breaks down. Oftentimes, the woman will try anything to make her marriage work. She starts reading books, trying new things, losing weight, buying new clothes and maybe even taking up new hobbies — all in hopes to revive the love that was lost.
She only resorts to divorce as a last resort.
For more information on healing during and after divorce visit SupportForDivorcedWomen.com. Tweet me at @CindyHolbrook and join me on our Facebook page.
