How Every Great Guy Wishes You'd Communicate With Them

What you need to know about men when it comes to communication.

By Christian Carter
Last updated on Jan 23, 2015

Photo: Timur Weber, Oleksandra Polishchuk | Canva

Frustrated man, his partner in the background

You've probably heard that men like women who are easygoing and fun. And, that's entirely true, especially when you're talking about men who handle a lot of pressure at work. But, this doesn't mean he wants a woman who's a pushover. How can human nature work against you? Everyone wants to have their needs met first. It's basic human nature. But, being able to delay your gratification is an amazing thing to develop in your life (and that goes for every part of your life, not just dating). Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, and talk about what they think and what they want. The root of most communication problems lies in not considering the other person's side — their needs and wants.

If you want a man to listen to you and communicate well with you, then you need to honestly and critically consider the man's perspective, his emotional state, his communication skills, and where he's coming from — all at the same time. Here's the thing, putting yourself in his shoes works for both of you. When you don't do this with a man, and don't consider things from his perspective in the same way you want him to consider yours, you are subconsciously telling him that you're more interested in your feelings and what you want, than you are in his feelings and what he wants.

I see a form of this all the time in business, by the way. Say somebody wants to sell me something. If they immediately lunge in with their agenda, it will likely put me on the defensive. But, if they've done their "homework" on me and what I'm looking for, instead of coming from a place of need about what they want from me, the whole situation changes the second they show me they've thought about what I want. It's very simple but extremely powerful.

It's time to shift to team-based thinking. So, let's take this concept directly back to communicating with a man. Namely, you've got to learn to listen and understand where he's at and where he's coming from. Patience, empathy, and understanding are the first steps toward creating the relationship you dream about with another person who has his dreams, desires, and frustrations. Say your boyfriend has a habit of zoning out when he gets home, and you'd like to go out a few nights a week. You can start with an affirming statement like, "I care about our relationship, and I want happiness for us."

When you lead like this, he won't feel defensive. You'll have created a safe space for him to listen. Then you can say, "I understand you're really tired sometimes and just want to zone out, but I just need to have some nights during the week when we can do something together." Then, you come up with an event you both like, rather than focusing on the negative. When you do this, he'll begin to see you two as a team — and that's a win-win for both of you.