3 Steps To Avoid Being Your Mind's B*tch (And Date Like A Pro)

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Your mind says, "Your skin is looser than it was." You never wear sleeveless shirts again.

"She should never have said that about me." You cut her off and lose a friend.

"Men cheat and leave you." You attract men who cheat and leave you again and again.

That's being your mind's b*tch.

If you have a constant stream of self-critical and self-mocking thoughts running through your head, your mind is creating chaos for you and destroying your dating confidence. If you have renegade self-destructive thoughts like:

  • Everyone judges me.
  • I can't trust anyone.            
  • What's wrong with me?
  • I'll never find my soulmate.
  • All the good men are gay or married.
  • I hate online dating.
  • I need to lose 20 pounds before I date.
  • It's too late for me.

Your mind is bullying you, and it's time to change that!

Don't be your mind's b*tch ​ ACT. Here are three action steps to take control of your thinking and turn your life around:

Acknowledge that your thoughts are actually part of the problem. 

Write down your description of your single life and how you feel about it. Repeat to yourself, Up until now, I didn't realize that my thinking about my single status has been hurting me.

Commit to owning your thoughts.

Write down under your description of your single life. I take 100 percent ownership of each of these thoughts. It may seem simplistic to do this part of the exercise. It is. That's purposeful. You repeating this simple commitment statement will start to turn your emotional energy toward resolution.

Teach yourself to think new thoughts.

Now that you're committed to a new way of thinking, be gentle with yourself as you begin to change your language from one of defeat and disappointment to words of hope and resolution. Here are some turn around examples for you:

  • Even though I feel judged, that doesn't mean that people really are judging me.     
  • Even though I feel like I can't trust anyone, I don't know that's true for sure.          
  • Even though I feel like something is wrong with me, I choose to accept myself no matter what.
  • Even though I haven't found my soulmate yet, I choose to not give up.
  • Even though I kid about no good men being available, the truth is I just haven't met the right person yet.
  • Even though online dating is hard and I don't like it, I have to admit that it works for some people, just not me.
  • Even though I want to lose weight before I date, I can still get out and do some volunteer work or join a gym and be friendly to the people I meet.
  • Even though a part of me believes it is too late, there's another part of me that's not giving up.

At the end of the day, your brilliant mind is always going to pump out ideas, concepts and a constant stream of self-criticism.

Don't let your mind control you — learn to control the it. It's shocking how easy it is to direct your mind once you know how to do it.

Catherine Behan is a Dating, Sex and Intimacy Coach practicing in San Diego, CA. For a free 20 minute chat to explore your dating style or lack thereof, click here.