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Get out before you get hurt.
By Brittney Lindstrom — Written on Dec 16, 2022
In the beginning stages of romantic relationships, many women feel uncertain about whether the guy they're dating is being genuine about who he is or what he's feeling.
And if you've been trying to figure out how to tell if a guy likes you and wondering, "Does he love me, or am I being used?", know that you are definitely not alone.
There are times you may be unsure if you're being used for sex, money, or something else, because your partner seems sweet and authentic one day, while the next, he's completely standoffish and distant.
You may have even been hurt before, so now you're questioning whether he's using you because of something that happened with another guy in your past. But regardless of the reason, it's okay to question someone's motive.
No one wants to be used in any of their relationships.
If you have some sort of doubt or intuition that's making you feel confused, listen to your gut.
Did he say or do something that isn't sitting right with you? Is he extremely unpredictable? Don't ignore it when feeling a certain way because you're afraid you might mess up something good before it even gets started. Trust your intuition. It's giving you important signs in order to make you aware that something may be off or not right.
If you want to know how to tell if a guy likes you or if you're being used for something like sex or money, while behaviors differ from person to person, the overall picture of what you should look for tends to be similar.
Are you wondering about a guy's motives and asking yourself, "does he love me?"
Here are 6 tell-tale signs he's only using you:
1. He avoids talking about commitment
If a person avoids or refuses to have a discussion about where they see the relationship going in the near future, there's an issue. You have spent a lot of time together and gotten to know one another, and it is absolutely fair that you want to know what direction the relationship is headed in.
It is also important for you to know where the relationship stands so you can decide how much of a physical and emotional investment you want to put into it.
Someone who is using you, regardless of their reason for doing so, will avoid talking about the future like the plague.
2. He makes things uncomfortable
Relationships are not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. They shouldn't be chaotic or go from one extreme to the other.
Balance is key in relationships. If your relationship doesn't have a balance or you feel like you're putting in more effort or investing more in the relationship than he is, it's time to reevaluate.
See the relationship for what it really is — and not what you want it to be.
3. He doesn't introduce you to his friends
Let's be real here. Many people who are dating someone new or starting a relationship will introduce this person to their friends because usually the opinions of friends matter.
Friends are your eyes and ears when you're not around or when you're not listening. They are able to see things that you might not see because you're blinded by your relationship.
If it's been a while and you haven't met their friends, you should start questioning why and possibly bring it up to your partner.
4. He doesn't show you much affection
Affection is critical in relationships, as it provides people with a sense of security and trust.
If your partner is using you, there won't be much affection, even while having sex or engaging in sexual acts. It can almost be as if your partner has detached emotionally from his body and is only physically present. His mind is elsewhere.
You'll be able to tell this by the lack of hand-holding and eye contact.
5. He never lets it be about you
This is a hard one to digest because, for some reason, many people automatically think it's something they did, rather than their partner.
There needs to be some sort of reciprocity in your relationship. Why should you put in more effort to focus on your partner's needs and wants, while allowing him to ignore yours?
That isn't fair to you or the relationship and should raise some red flags as to what your partner's purpose or role is in the relationship.
6. He won't really let you know him, and he doesn't try to know you
When you are together, you barely talk about each other. Your partner probably doesn't know your favorite color or food, and you probably don't know the same about your partner.
When someone is using you, there is minimal to no emotional investment on the user's part, so they don't find it necessary to divulge information about themselves.
Think about how much you really know about your partner, and if there have ever been times he has dodged questions about important aspects of himself.
No one deserves to be used by another person.
It's an awful feeling and, more often than not, you're the one left wondering where you went wrong.
Try and remember that you didn't do anything wrong and that your partner had a plan and their own reasons for using you. That is NOT a reflection of your character.
And if you realize you are dating someone who's been using you, don't think of it as a negative. Think of it as a good thing that you realized this now and can get rid of this negative and selfish person in your life. It's a new beginning.
Try to see the positive in the situation and be thankful that you can stop the relationship from going any further. The pain would have intensified the longer it went on.
You'll find the right one. Just be patient.
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Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor. She writes about relationships, organizational psychology and behavior, personality psychology, and more.