Self, Sex

5 Traits Men Find Undeniably Sexy About Women That Have Nothing To Do With Looks

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what men find attractive in women that isn't about looks

Sexiness is hard to describe. A woman can look sexy, but not be sexy.

I have heard men say, "I met a woman who looked incredibly hot. She was gorgeous, and then when she started talking to me, all I could think about was how do I get out of here!"

Good looks do not always equate to sexiness. What makes the difference? I decided it was time to do some research.

After talking with males ranging in age from 26–61, there are some strong thoughts on the subject of what men find sexy. 

Let’s see what they say:

1. Eyes

"A woman who knows how to use their eyes, can get pretty much get what they want," says a 61-old male from Colorado.

He went on to say the color (while his preference is brown) doesn't matter; it's how they look at you. "The eyes are truly the windows to the soul. A smart man will look at the eyes first and then the rest of the body," he said.

2. Attitude

Attitude reflected in a person's behavior has a significant amount of sex appeal. Some men find a woman who demonstrates a fierce attitude, incredibly sexy.

"I like a woman who will stand up to me and speak her mind," says a 47-year-old male from Nashville. They want someone who can take care of themselves and aren't passive.

Others think playfulness is an attitude that is desirable. "Sexy is someone who will let their guard down and act silly," says a 46-year-old from Oregon.

Whether it’s a woman who is tough-minded or who is playful, attitude plays a substantial role in sexiness.

3. Humor

A 31-one-year-old from Oklahoma told me, "A women who keep me laughing, is sexy."

He went on to say, that his spouse makes him laugh daily. "When I’m having a stressful day, she will say something to make me laugh and then we are laughing together. I love it."

Who says someone who keeps you laughing isn't sexy?

4. Confidence

How a woman carries herself says it all. Walking with a purpose, showing they believe in themselves, and what they can do, will turn heads.

Dressing appropriately for their body type (no matter what the size) shows self-awareness and confidence. I know a woman who is six foot-tall and frequently wears 3 or 4-inch heels. She may tower over the men she is around, but she does so with confidence.

People comment on her legs and while she is fortunate to have the face to go with it, her confidence is undeniably sexy.

5. Intelligence

A strong man is not threatened by intelligence; he looks for it.

"You can find a thousand good-looking beauties on a college campus, but that doesn't mean they have the intellect or wherewithal to do anything with their life," says a 26-year-old male from Missouri. 

Men laugh about a good-looking woman who is clueless, but some men look for a woman who is smarter than they are.

To be undeniably sexy is hard to describe. It's not uncommon to hear a lady say, "How in the world did she end up with him? He's gorgeous, and she is you know..." 

If they would take the time to watch and listen, they will see how the woman uses their eyes; they will smile at the attitude, laugh at the humor, and watch their body language and how it exudes confidence. 

If they pay attention, they say, "I get it now. She's sexy."

Brenda Descamps is a Board-Certified Leadership and Life Coach and Certified Divorce Transition Coach. You can contact her at, or on her website.

Watch this video of YourTango Experts talking about the sexiest traits that men find in women.