What It Means When Someone Says 'I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You'
It always hurts to hear, but it doesn't always mean the same thing.
getty "I love you, but I’m not in love with you."
These words can be the hardest to hear in the world:
It cuts like a knife. But what does it really mean when someone you love says this?
While it can be a sign of trouble in your relationship — and t may not be what you wanted to hear — this statement isn't always a bad thing.
Here are 5 things it means when someone says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" — and not all are bad.
1. "It's over."
It’s your worst fear realized. People will drop this line during a serious talk about the future of your relationship, or say it totally unprompted.
Either way, they’re laying the groundwork for the breakup in no uncertain terms.
Chances are, you know this is what they’re saying, even if you can’t admit it to yourself yet.
But that’s not the only reason someone will say, "I love you, but I’m not in love with you."
2. "We’re not there yet."
Sometimes, people say this as a way of warning us to back off. They want you to know that they have strong feelings, but they’re afraid that things are moving too fast. That’s okay.
This is usually in response to you telling them you love them or are in love with them.
It’s actually the best-case scenario when someone says, "I love you, but I’m not in love with you," because it means that they’re still interested in moving forward. They’re just afraid of screwing things up.
3. "I don’t want to get back together."
If your ex says this to you, it’s often their way of softening the blow. They want you to know that they appreciate your time together and that they still think a great deal of you.
But they definitely don’t want you back.
Whether or not they really mean it, it's still smart. If your ex tells you that they love you but they’re not in love with you, this is their way of saying, "Move on. You and I do not have a future together."
4. "I only see you as a friend."
This is the "I love you as a friend" that many people will pull out if they can tell that you’re pushing for more than just friendship.
It hurts the most when it comes from someone you really care about. If a friend says this to you, you need to respect their wishes and back off.
It doesn’t mean that their feelings for you won’t ever become romantic, but that they will have to develop on their own without you trying to change their mind.
5. "The spark is gone."
When your relationship lacks the passion and excitement it once had and your partner says, "I love you, but I’m not in love with you," this is what they mean.
It's not always as serious and relationship-ending as it may sound. It’s often more of a cry for help. Believe it or not, this can actually be a good thing.
Oftentimes, relationships will wither and die with both parties afraid to face the truth: This isn’t working.
If your partner is willing to admit this, as hard as it is to hear, it means that you have a shot at fixing things before it’s too late.
Now’s the time you need to put all your focus into spending time together, recapturing the magic, and taking the necessary steps to build a healthy relationship.
Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada. He has 10 years of experience working with couples to repair and improve relationships.