5 Unmistakable Signs The Man You Love Doesn't Love You Back

Photo: Avel Chuklanov on Unsplash
5 Unmistakable Signs The Man You Love Doesn't Love You Back

How any times have you sat with a friend as she cries about the man that she loves and how confused she is about whether or not he's in love with her, too? A thousand times, perhaps? Yeah. Me, too.

"What do you think?" she asks, "Does he love me?"

And if you're at all like me, you don’t want to be harsh and say something like, "I love you, but come on. It's so obvious. All he's showing are signs he's not into you. In fact, I can't see any signs he loves you at all."

Because while it is so obvious to you, it's not at all to her. And you get it, because you've been there and you've wondered how to know if a guy likes (or loves) you yourself.

RELATED: 7 Seemingly Subtle Signs That A Man's Not Into You (That Are More Obvious Than You Think)

Whether you are the friend being asked to how to know if he loves you, or you're the one searching for answers in your own relationship, wondering if the man you're falling in love with loves you back, or couldn't really care less, sometimes the only way to figure it out is with a little help from someone with outside perspective.

If you or a friend are asking, "Does he love me?" — here are five unmistakable signs that no, he's just not into you.

1. He makes excuses about spending time with you.

A guy who is in love actively wants to spend time with you. In fact, he will move heaven and earth to spend time with you.

Now, I am not saying that your guy doesn’t love you if he goes to a baseball game with the guys or has dinner with his mother. But, if every time you are supposed to see each other your guy regularly has to work late or has problems with his car or suddenly gets struck down by a gastrointestinal illness ... then there is at least a strong possibility that he is making up excuses not to see you.

And if he is making excuses to not see you, then he definitely isn’t in love with you.

Because if he was, he would be sitting right there by your side, and you wouldn't be reading this article.

2. He ghosts you.

Does he disappear? Do you text him and not hear back for hours, or even days, and when you do there is talk about a broken phone or a dead battery?

Are you supposed to meet him for dinner, but at the last minute he tells you he can’t make it, and then you don’t hear from him for a day?

Does he tell you that he isn’t feeling well enough to hang out with you, and then spends the night posting on Facebook or Instagram while not reading or responding to any of your messages?

If a guy ghosts you in any way, he doesn’t love you. A man who loves a woman treats her with respect, and that respect means that he responds to her clearly and honestly. He is clear about his actions and his intentions, and he shares them with her.

So, if your guy disappears regularly and offers excuses that fall flat, he most definitely isn’t in love with you.

RELATED: 3 Warning Signs He's Not That Into You (& It's Time To Cut Him Loose)

3. He prioritizes hobbies over you.

Does your man have a hobby that regularly takes him away from you?

A friend of mine is dating a guy who is passionate about riding his bike. Every weekend he goes out with this posse and they clock as many miles as they can get in. Every weekend.

My friend had no problem with his passion for biking, until he put his bike ahead of her on his priority list. The weekend would come along and she would ask him to go for a hike with her ... or to the beach ... or just to spend time with her on the couch, but his bike ride came first. So, she would wait, and when he got back, he was always too tired to do anything with her.

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If your man has a hobby, that's great! Everyone should have a hobby that makes them happy. But if he regularly puts his hobby ahead of you on his playlist, he doesn’t love you.

It's time to find a man who has a hobby he wants to share with the woman he loves.

4. He isn’t as nice to you as he could be.

Do you come downstairs after carefully dressing for dinner, only to hear a snide remark from your boyfriend about your make-up? Does he thinks it's funny to comment about your horrible cooking in front of your friends? Does he mock new ideas you might have about your career?

If a man does any of these things, he doesn’t love you. A man who is in love with a woman treats her with the utmost respect and would never dream of being unkind to her.

Of course, some men are clueless and will say something innocent about your dress or your professional ideas without meaning to, but if he is regularly unkind to you because he thinks it's "funny", he definitely doesn’t love you.

5. He doesn’t want to give you what you want.

Does he refuse when you ask him if he can watch the kids one night so you can go out and have some much needed fun with your girlfriends?

Does he insist money could be better spent elsewhere, even though you specifically saved up for a new dishwasher that would make you life just one tiny bit easier?

Does he always insist he's too busy when you say you want to spend some quality time with him?

Men who love their woman want to give them what they want, because they know that when a woman feels taken care, she also feels loved.

If a man is always selfish and doesn’t care at all about what you want or why, it's because he doesn’t love you.

RELATED: 5 Weird Things Men Want In A Woman, According To Science

If you're still feeling uncertain, consider this: if your best friend was telling you about a man who fits the criteria above, what you would you say to her?

And what would you hope your friend would say to you if the positions were reversed?

Read this list. Keep it. Memorize it.

Use it now as motivation to get rid of a guy who doesn't love you, and save it for later use by yourself or a friend. Hopefully you won’t need it again, but keep it close in case you do.

The man who will truly love you is out there.

Don’t settle for someone who pretends. Move on now!

RELATED: 5 Ways To Know He Really Loves You, Not Just Your Attention

Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women. Her writing has been published in The Huffington Post, Prevention Magazine, and The Good Men Project. 

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