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What if you only think you're in love?
By Brad Browning — Last updated on May 17, 2023
The happiness you felt in your relationship is quickly fading, and you’re starting to wonder if you’re actually content, or if you’re just settling for less in an unhappy relationship. While there are many different reasons why people choose to stay in a toxic relationship, the biggest one is the fear of being alone.
Our culture is set up around this belief that being alone is a bad thing, and what most of us don't realize is that being with the wrong person is even worse. That’s why so many relationships drag themselves out well past their expiration date.
If you’re debating whether or not you’re settling for less in your love life, then consider these signs and excuses. If you can relate, then chances are it’s time to find a new mate. After all, we all have a right to seek happiness and remove ourselves from a toxic relationship.
Here are 7 signs you're ambivalent about him (but OK with settling):
1. You’ve seen worse and you're hoping the relationship will work itself out
You know you’re unhappy, and yet you don’t do anything to try and fix the relationship. You and your partner are drifting apart, but you convince yourself saying that you’ve seen worse relationships survive, so why can’t yours?
If you’re waiting for time to take its toll, then you could be waiting forever. Worse yet, you're settling now.
2. You feel sorry for your partner and routinely make excuses to others
If the thought of leaving your guy or gal makes you anxious or guilty, you need to ask yourself if that’s the only reason you’re sticking around. Staying in a relationship out of pity is not healthy or fair to either of you.
Are you constantly making excuses to defend your partner? Standing up for someone you love is one thing, but justifying their shortcomings is another. You know better than anyone what you dream of in a life partner, so hold out for the very best and don’t settle for anything less.
3. You don’t want to be alone or wait for someone else to come along
You’re terrified of being alone and worry about whether or not you’ll find someone else. Here’s the big question: Is the unhappiness you’re currently enduring worth sticking around? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been?
If you’re sticking around with your lover in hopes that you may eventually meet someone better, that’s a sure sign you’re settling. Move on and make yourself available.
4. You’re worried about the kids
There’s no doubt that children complicate breakups, which is why so many people stay in unhappy relationships to avoid additional confusion. The truth is, your kids aren’t as naive as you may think, and chances are they’re already negatively affected by the way you and your partner treat each other. If you’re only sticking around for them, then yes, you are settling.
5. You’re already engaged or married
So you’ve taken a plunge, and now you’ve got cold feet, or perhaps reality has finally hit and you see the truth. The truth is, you can’t delay the inevitable forever, so it’s better to end things sooner than later. You’re only hanging around because you “promised” that you would.
6. You can’t imagine seeing your partner with someone else
If the only reason you’re still dating someone is because you can’t bear the thought of seeing them with someone else, it shows just how madly you’re in love with them, and yet, how badly they’re treating you. Rather than worrying about the aftermath, do what’s right for you.
So he or she may move on. Guess what? So will you!
7. You can’t wait to spend some time alone
In most loving relationships, partners can't bear the idea of being away from one another for too long. That said, if you can’t wait to spend time apart, then something must be up. You would rather spend the night with friends or by yourself than be in the company of your significant other.
Still unsure? Ask yourself this: If you could be with anyone in the world, would you choose the person that you’re with? If the answer is yes, you’re not settling. If the answer is no, you are. You do have the choice of being with anyone you want, whether you recognize that or not.
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Brad Browning is a relationship coach and expert from Vancouver, Canada with over 10 years of experience working with couples to repair and improve relationships.