Photo: Andrew Calhoun via Unsplash
You'll be much happier if you stop trying to do it all.
By Atara Malach — Written on Aug 29, 2019
Being a mother is hard work, as all moms know. Motherhood doesn't come with days off, rest, or relaxation apart from the moments you can steal now and again — and it can be easy to fall prey to "mom guilt" when you need some time for yourself.
You love your family, and parenting is a blessing (most of the time), but if you're trying to be a super mom for your children, then you're going to ruin your own happiness and get mommy burnout
I don’t know about you, but summer break has left me hot, irritated, and exhausted.
Summer is supposed to be a time for lemonade, watermelon, fun at the beach, and long lazy days when you connect with your kids and create memories to last a lifetime. Every day is a sunny one, picture-perfect for Pinterest. Right?
Wrong.
Let’s get real for a second here: There are no magic parenting styles that will turn your kids into perfect angels.
Why didn’t anyone prepare me for the reality of spilled lemonade, watermelon seeds sticking in the most unlikely places, and beach sand clogging my shower drain and falling out of my linen closet long after the beach towels were washed, folded, and put away?
As for connecting with my kids, well, one thing is for sure … Since they have no school and day camp is over before I’ve had a chance to get anything done, there is definitely more than enough time to connect.
The days are endless, and the kids get bored. Most of the memories I have are of them complaining they have nothing to do (oh, how I wish I had nothing to do) or the universal favorite, “I’m hungry … there’s nothing to eat!”
Summer is almost over, and after much soul-searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are many convincing reasons why you should not try to be a "summer super mom."
Here are 3 reasons you need to stop trying to be the perfect mom to your kids and what to try instead:
1. It will never be enough.
No matter how hard you try, how much you invest, how creative and determined you are, the reality is your kids will find something to complain about. No, I’m not being negative — I’m being real.
My keen observations are gleaned from personal experience and the many stories shared with me over the years by overwhelmed yet well-meaning moms. It boils down to a mathematical equation — the more effort you expend in trying to make your kiddos happy during the long, hot summer weeks (or ever!), the more creative they become in finding reasons why it wasn’t enough.
There is no making them happy, so quit trying so hard to do it. They have to learn to make themselves happy.
2. You can’t do all the things.
Since your to-do list isn’t any shorter whether they're on summer break or just bored on a weekend, trying to create a “Kodak moment” or an Instagram-worthy experience will only make you more stressed out.
You'll end up more exhausted and, sadly, more resentful of your kids because they may not appreciate the time and effort you put into making their day at the museum one to remember (note to self-which kids really like museums?)
By trying to make things wonderful for your kids every single day, you’re actually doing the exact opposite and becoming a super stressed out, irritated, and impatient mom. Chillax.
There is no contest to see which mom ticked off all the boxes from that Pinterest checklist of "101 Things You Must Do This Summer." In the words that became popular during the Frozen era, "Let it Go."
3. Too many activities will wear you out
Yes, time with your kids seems equally fleeting yet never-ending (like childhood in general).
Over the summer you've got eight weeks to create lifelong memories: The days at the lake, road trips, running a lemonade stand, hitting a homerun, learning how to ride a bike, family day at the amusement park. All the highlight reels your family will replay for decades to come. Don’t mess it up!
How’s that for insane expectations? Not only for yourself, but also for your children? What’s really important, though, are the fun, loving memories you can create every single day of the year if we parent with more clarity, competence, and confidence.
And there you have it. Some of the reasons why you should toss being a "summer super mom" — or a "super mom" all the time in general — into the bin of really ridiculous ideas that should never be considered.
The next time you feel even a smidgen of guilt because you didn't “make the most of your kids' summer,” make a mental list of each laugh, hug, and conversation you had with them.
Remind yourself of the times you allowed her to change her clothes five times before she was ready to go out. High-five yourself for miraculously keeping that pasted-on smile while your son adamantly refused to eat the nutritious dinner you slaved over in Hades’ kitchen, as he grabs a piece of watermelon instead because, “it’s too hot to eat.”
Bonus round: Give yourself a gold star for all the things you didn’t say/nag about/criticize despite your exhaustion, irritation, and lack of time for yourself.
Surviving summer parenting with your sanity still intact is beyond amazing — it’s a superheroic effort and you deserve a medal for that alone!
And always remember: Being a mom is one of the most difficult, challenging, and rewarding roles in the world. You’re a supermom, no matter what season it is, or how much effort you put into entertaining your kids.
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Atara Malach is the founder of the Parenting University, a psychotherapist and Certified Professional Coach practicing internationally for over 30 years. Blending her professional expertise with real-lifeexperience as a working mom raising six children, she has developed a proven parenting system (GPS). Atara spearheaded using Mommy Guilt as a roadmap to parenting and career success,which has empowered women worldwide. Download the FREE One-Minute-Mother template or FREE download of her book on her website.