What It Really Means When Someone Wants To Be 'Friends With Benefits'

What It Really Means When Someone Wants To Be Friends With Benefits
Love, Heartbreak

It’s more about them than you, most of the time.

The idea of being ‘friends with benefits’ implies that you are friends with the other person. This, however, is not always the case. If you have just met someone new and have started to cultivate a relationship then that means you will be developing a friendship that is, based on mutual respect, honesty, and a desire to have a relationship of some sort.

Not all ‘friends with benefits’ situations start as actual friends, so it can be hard to have all these things without some history and this can eventually complicate things. Once things become complicated it can be easy to start asking yourself why or how you ended up here.

It doesn’t automatically mean that there is something wrong with you or them.

Let’s face it, it would be easy (for most of us) to come up with many reasons why we are not good enough. Lot’s of us can find something “wrong” with us at any given time, so it can be very easy to blame yourself when someone doesn’t want to commit to you, or if someone just wants to be ‘friends with benefits’ and you were looking for a relationship.

However, when people are not looking for the commitment it usually has to do with them not you. There are a plethora of reasons why someone wouldn’t want to commit. It could be that there is a past relationship that they are still hurt from and they are looking to protect themselves by not becoming too attached and vulnerable with someone new. So, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong, it could just be that they have not dealt with their past yet.

Maybe they are just not that into you.

Of course, nobody wants this to be true. If someone is feeling like they are not wanted it can make them feel bad about themselves, but it is a great question to ask yourself. Sometimes when feelings are involved it’s easy to look past ‘red flags’, or ‘warning signals’ and people will continue to get into a relationship that isn’t positively serving them.

Most of the time when someone is in really deep like or love, it is easy to spot and the person who feels this way will show it even if they are trying not too. This is a good way to gauge which direction the relationship is headed and if you want to respond to the attraction it is totally up to you.

Do not try and talk yourself into a relationship if you are not sure about someone or the relationship, it is for a reason, and when people push themselves into something they are not ready for there is a good chance that it will fall apart.

At the end of the day relationships of any kind are about commitment.

Whether you are in a friendship or a relationship there is always some level of commitment to; respect, honesty, and communication. If someone is not able to give any of these then there is a pretty good chance that they are not ready for commitment.

Maybe a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship is all they can deal with at the moment because it allows them some freedom from being fully committed to one person. This means that you couldn’t have done anything to make things turn out differently, but you can decide where to go from here.

So if you are thinking about starting a ‘friends with benefits’ situation it would serve you to be absolutely certain why you are getting into this relationship.

Ask yourself “Who am I doing this for?”, “Is this what I want?”, and if you are happy with the answers then you will know which way to move. At the end of the day, it’s best to remember that it’s you that has to live with your decisions.

Amy Elrose partners with individuals to determine their goals, and to create an action plan to achieve them. By becoming aware of your goals and having a coach to help you push yourself out of your comfort zone there is undeniable growth. As a coach, Amy will be by your side helping to stay motivated and focused on what is truly inspiring to you. Check out her website at www.presencelc.com and let the possibilities flow.

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!

Author
Expert