Photo: Mix and Match Studio | Marina Polovinkina | Navamin studio | Canva
Can you tell the difference between infatuation and love?
By Aaron Kaplan — Last updated on Nov 22, 2023
It should be obvious that there are basic differences between being in love, being attracted to someone, or being just plain obsessed. Sadly, that is not always the case.
Many people find themselves in relationships that they think are loving when, in reality, they may just be an unhealthy infatuation or even obsession. Even when faced with the hard reality, it can be difficult to admit that you might just be more infatuated or obsessed than actually in love. Would you be able to tell the difference between infatuation vs. love?
Here are 3 signs you're dangerously obsessed with your new relationship:
1. You flake on responsibilities and commitments
This includes missing work, school, or other important appointments because this person suddenly contacts you at the last minute, wanting to go out with you on a particular date or time, without any regard or consideration for your schedule or needs.
When you miss commitments just to keep yourself available for this person, you may end up regretting your decision later on when you discover this person no longer has room in their life for you.
2. You miss out on things that you love doing just to wait around
And you're left wondering if the object of your infatuation is going to call you. What you're actually doing is putting your life on hold for another person.
Now, this may be fine if you're in a serious relationship or are married, but when this person has done nothing to show you that you mean much to them, it makes no sense for you to rearrange your life. You're only missing out on a lot of fun by doing so.
3. Your friendships are taking a back seat to your obsession
When you're obsessed with someone you are dating or someone that you want to date, you might find yourself ignoring your friends in favor of devoting all of your free time to the person you are over-the-top attracted to and lusting after. Eventually, your infatuation might start driving your friends away from you because they sense you are too self-absorbed and are not making time for others.
If you notice any of these signs within yourself, think about how you may have lost your sense of perspective and the bigger picture. Ask yourself, "What is the truth that I am not necessarily willing to acknowledge?"
You're not meant to stop living your life just in case someone decides to give you a call or suddenly shows up to take you to dinner.
If it is necessary for you to always be available on the off chance this person will call or want to go out on a date, you may want to start asking yourself if you can really maintain your own sense of healthy individuality if you choose to develop a serious relationship with this person.
Do you truly want to be in a relationship with someone for whom the world revolves entirely? This is something that could cause negative long-term consequences if you allow it. That is why you may want to think very seriously about whether this is genuine true love, or just a temporary infatuation or obsession.
You are worthy of a healthy relationship with someone who genuinely wants to share their life with you, will be considerate of your time and needs, and will want to foster a relationship that is truly an equal partnership.
More for You:
Aaron Kaplan is a Coach Training Alliance-Certified Coach (CTA-CC), Certified Prepare-Enrich Facilitator, and CDC Certified Divorce Coach, who also happens to be an ordained member of the clergy.