Woman Found Out Her Husband Secretly Got A Paternity Test Due To Their Daughter's Brown Skin & Curly Hair
Physical characteristics can come from anywhere in the family history.
Rob Marmion / Shutterstock When it comes to DNA, we can pick up traits that come from our ancestors from generations past. One of your children might look just like you or your partner, but another might look like a great-grandparent that you have no resemblance to.
One couple is in conflict because the man's family has doubts about the paternity of their daughter. In a since-deleted post originally shared on the r/relationshipadvice subreddit, but later posted on TikTok, a woman admitted that her husband caved to pressure from his family and got a secret paternity test on their daughter.
A father had doubts about his daughter's paternity due to her brown skin and curly hair.
The little girl's father is Serbian and his whole family is very fair. The mom is Brazilian-American, and although her father is blonde-haired and blue-eyed, her estranged mother is, as she described her, "visibly mixed... and darker than all her siblings." She also described her own skin tone as "light brown" and "obviously ethnic."
Their three-year-old daughter was born with her dad's European features, but as she got older, she started to look more like her maternal grandmother.
The couple embraced their daughter's appearance, but their extended family could not let it go.
With tanned skin and a more kinky-curly texture to her hair, the woman's husband set out to learn how to style his daughters hair, and the mom admitted that their hair care time created a special bonding experience between dad and daughter. Despite their loving relationship, the change in the little girl's appearance prompted his side of the family to inappropriately joke about her lineage.
The mom wasn't really bothered at first because of her extended family's brash style of humor, but in hindsight, she realized they were likely being "passive-aggressive." After the jokes stopped rather suddenly, she assumed the tired discourse had simply run its course.
Her husband admitted to the secret paternity test, but claimed to have a good reason for it.
With her husband's permission, the woman was scrolling through his photo gallery on his phone when she came across a screenshot containing paternity test results. She questioned him about it and he became visibly uncomfortable. Then he told an unbelievable story of deceit that left her hurt and reeling.
A year before, unaware of what her mother looked like, his family started to question whether or not the couple's child really belonged to him. On a daily basis, they were in the man's ear, accusing his wife of cheating and insisting he get a paternity test.
He claimed to have never doubted his daughter's paternity, but got the test to shut his family up. He even showed his wife text messages where he defended her. Nevertheless, he did get the test behind her back, and she is hurt and angry about it.
She feels betrayed by his family. She truly thought they loved and cherished her and her daughter. To think they pretended to be joking while wholeheartedly believing she had committed infidelity and was infuriating.
Now, she's uncomfortable around his family and she's convinced that, deep down, her husband doesn't trust her. She can't decide whether she should let it go or not. Her biggest concern, however, is that her husband has no backbone when it comes to his family.
If you don't trust your spouse, the first person you should be talking to is your spouse.
In a healthy marriage, there is an expectation that your spouse will always have your back — that includes stopping baseless attacks from extended family members. If there was truly any doubt about the paternity of the woman's child, he should have gone to his wife about it directly. Instead, his actions may have fractured the trust that the two once shared.
The key to successfully navigating overinvolved in-laws is setting healthy boundaries and sticking with them. Clinical psychologist, Carla Manly, explained to Romper, “If family members register valid concerns, it may be worth considering their worries. If, however, family members are being highly critical and judgmental, it’s appropriate to request that they act with kindness and respect.”
If this dad truly had concerns about his daughter's paternity, it would have been perfectly acceptable to discuss it with his wife. Getting a secret paternity test because your family told you to? Now, that's a recipe for marital strife.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationships, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.