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They had an affair in the past.
By Sanika Nalgirkar — Written on Sep 11, 2022
The possibility of this woman’s boyfriend playing a very important role at his ex’s wedding concerned her so much that she decided to turn to external support.
Writing to Slate’s advice column, “Dear Prudence” the woman explained her predicament.
His ex, who he dated while she was married to someone else, has asked him to be her maid of honor.
“I need an outside perspective on something that continues to bother me about my partner’s past (we are both in our early 30s),” the woman wrote.
She clarified that she trusted her boyfriend and isn’t worried about him being unfaithful, however, her situation forces her to have unpleasant thoughts.
The woman explained, “I have a problem with the fact that one of his past lovers, who he became close with while they were dance partners, was married at the time of their affair.”
While her boyfriend didn’t cheat on her nor did he cheat on someone else, the woman still questioned his thinking.
"This really bothers me—it makes me doubt the state of his moral compass that he sees no issue with having been complicit in infidelity, even if it was not his marriage," the woman added.
When the woman talked about this with her boyfriend, he claimed it wasn’t his place to do anything.
She wrote, “He was single at the time and claims it would have been ‘disrespectful’ to make decisions for her about how she wanted to handle her own marriage.”
Needless to say, his response didn’t put the woman at ease at all.
“They’re still close friends and she has asked him to be her ‘maid of honor’ in her upcoming second wedding, so I am reminded of the situation somewhat frequently,” the woman added.
As the woman had mentioned earlier, she trusted her boyfriend completely, but his continuous interactions with his ex worry her.
She feels that if her boyfriend has been comfortable being part of an affair in the past, he can do it again.
“I really respect his out-of-the-box and thoughtful approach to most things, but this just doesn’t sit right with me,” the woman added.
‘Prudence’ gave some advice and clarified some of the thoughts.
Prudence saw straight through the woman’s boyfriend and didn’t think he was a good person at all.
She wrote, “I have to give it to your boyfriend here. ‘It would have been "disrespectful" to make decisions for her about how she wanted to handle her own marriage’ is perhaps the most creative excuse I’ve ever heard.”
She continued, touching on the woman’s thoughts and advising her that it was so much more than just worrying about her boyfriend staying in touch with his ex.
“I don’t think you are just worried in a general way about his moral compass. I think you’re worried about his relationship with his past lover and what it entails today,” Prudence added.
Prudence mentioned that there is a reason the woman has these fears and she should act upon them before it’s too late.
She wrote, “This isn’t a question of being objectively unreasonable or not. You don’t trust this guy, and you need to listen to yourself.”
Sanika Nalgirkar is a News & Entertainment Writer based in India. She has a master's degree in Creative Writing. See more of her writing on her website.