Woman Told To 'Get Out' Of Her Relationship After Revealing The Method She Uses To Get Her Boyfriend To Clean Up After Himself

She claimed that she's sick of cleaning up the messes that her boyfriend makes in their kitchen.

woman ignoring boyfriend while fighting on the sofa in apartment StratfordProductions / Shutterstock

A woman is being urged to leave her relationship after sharing the method she uses to get her boyfriend to clean up after himself.

In a TikTok video, a woman named Vanessa claimed that when it comes to doing certain chores, she finds that her boyfriend often leaves them to her, and to get him to start contributing she decided to try a new tactic.

She leaves her boyfriend's dirty dishes and trash in a corner for him to clean up.

In Vanessa's video, she explained that her boyfriend never wants to help her clean the kitchen, and makes the excuse that he made none of the mess in it. So, deciding to take matters into her own hands, Vanessa simply began piling up his trash and putting it to the side so that he'd finally start cleaning.




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"My boyfriend would never help me clean the kitchen because 'it's all yours and not mine.' So I started putting things to the side when I clean and now he's mad but I'm petty," she wrote in overlay text, showing the pile of his dirty dishes and trash that she put together in hopes that he'd finally take the hint.


In the comments section, viewers accused Vanessa's boyfriend of being a walking "red flag" and urged her to leave the relationship because she shouldn't have to go to such lengths to get her boyfriend to clean up after himself.

"It doesn't matter how clearly you prove your point. He will find another reason not to do it. This will never change so plan accordingly," one TikTok user pointed out, while another user added, "Get out now or set clear expectations. This won't get better unless you address it. If he turns it on you move on, don't waste your life."

"This is the correct move. If he realizes he actually does make a mess and starts helping, then awesome. If not, he might not be worth your time," a third user chimed in.

In a follow-up video, Vanessa provided some context to the situation with her boyfriend, and explained that they had been living together for eight months and came up with a deal that they would each clean up after themselves.




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"We have separate bathrooms. I would clean them separately. He mows the lawn, I vacuum and mop the house," she informed viewers. While she acknowledged that her boyfriend does his own dishes and she does hers, he would often leave a couple of his dirty dishes and trash for her to clean.

She continued, saying that she doesn't usually clean as she goes and prefers to leave a big mess that she'll clean up every night before going to bed. But, she'd sometimes not know which dirty dishes and trash items were hers or his, and would simply clean up everything on her own. 


When she asked her boyfriend to help her clean the kitchen, he refused.

After cleaning the kitchen on her own for some time and feeling overwhelmed, she decided to ask her boyfriend for help, but he outright refused. He claimed that any of the mess in the kitchen is all hers and not his, but she argued that there are a few items of his that he needs to clean too. 

"It's not all my stuff. I always clean up little bits and pieces that you've left and I never had a problem with it. And I think we should just be able to help each other," Vanessa recalled telling her boyfriend. She admitted that the two of them ended up getting into a big fight about it.

woman told to leave relationship after sharing the method she uses to get her boyfriend to clean up after himselfPhoto: Timur Weber / Pexels


Vanessa pointed out that she tried to set a boundary between her and her boyfriend, and is now waiting for him to step up and fix everything because he's refusing to help her clean and making excuses that the messes aren't his when they are. 

She claimed that despite the plethora of comments telling her to break up with him, she isn't going to unless he doesn't take the time to acknowledge and fix his mistakes.

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"Basically, I'm giving him the opportunity to fix the situation and make up for his actions," she said, adding that if things don't change, then she might have no choice but to end the relationship in the future.


According to data acquired by the Pew Research Center, in 2019, married and cohabiting men (49%) were more likely than their female counterparts (39%) to say they were very satisfied with the way household chores are divided between them and their spouse or partner. In 2020, the gap has grown: as of October 2020, 55% of men say they are very satisfied with this aspect of their relationship, compared with 38% of women.

Despite women finding more success in their careers, women in opposite-sex marriages are still doing more housework and caregiving than men, per the Pew Research Center.

In Vanessa's case, she clearly feels put off by the inequality in their relationship when it comes to household chores, especially cleaning up the kitchen. Her boyfriend is neglecting to uphold his end of their agreed-upon delegation of chores, and has started letting her clean up her messes and his.


woman told to leave relationship after sharing the method she uses to get her boyfriend to clean up after himselfPhoto: Annushka Ahuja / Pexels

A healthy relationship is built on cooperation and support, even for things like chores. When one person in the couple refuses to help with essential tasks and chores, it can put a heavy strain on the relationship, and if it continues, things like that can often breed resentment.

Couples must make the active choice to work together instead of apart, and something like the division of household responsibilities is the first step to achieving that.


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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.