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Woman's Fiancé Died, But She Doesn't Want Return The Ring To His Family (Even Though It's An Heirloom)

Photo: Photo: Demiantseva Olha / Shutterstock
Woman Wonders If She's Wrong For Not Returning Heirloom Engagement Ring To Fiance's Family After He Died

Losing a partner, especially one you planned to marry, young is a horrible situation that no one should have to go through.

When going through losing a partner or other difficult situations, one should be able to count on their family and that of their lost partner’s for support. 

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Unfortunately for one woman, her in-laws only made her time grieving even harder.

The 31-year-old woman, under the username u/throwback88819, posted about her story on the subreddit r/AmItheA–hole after a friend suggested she get an impartial opinion. 

The woman says that she and her 37-year-old fiance, Jake, were dating for six years before his unexpected death, which she says she is still mourning.

The engagement ring given to her by her late fiance was a priceless piece of jewelry within his family. The ring had been in his family for many generations, and he only got it himself with the blessing of his late grandmother.

At her fiance’s funeral, which she planned and paid for, her ex-brother-in-law asked her to return the engagement ring.

Jakes’s 32-year-old brother Jim told her that his girlfriend, Stacy, loved the ring and kept asking him for something similar. Jim argued that he should receive the ring to propose to his girlfriend because it originally belonged to his grandmother.

She refused to give it back, scolding Jim for making such a request during the funeral. Stacy then sent her a message after the ceremony saying that she “could always think of her and Jim’s wedding as the bittersweet ending” to her relationship. She blocked Stacy soon after. 

Finally, her ex-mother-in-law reached out and said she couldn’t keep the ring, triggering a strong reaction from her.

“I snapped and told her no, the ring is staying with me and following me to the grave if need be,” she wrote. “It's a beautiful symbol of Jake's love and I won't let Jim and Stacy sully that memory of him.”

The original poster is the legal owner of the ring, as Jake wrote in his will. She adds that some ex-in-laws have harassed her on social media for her decision to keep it.

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Her brother agreed that Jim’s method of asking was not OK, but also thought that she was being selfish for keeping the ring. 

She later updated her post with some additional information. This information includes how he died in a work-related accident and how she handled his passing. She also adds that she “would rather wait for hell to freeze over than let Stacy and Jim get the ring.”

While she is adamant about holding onto the ring, she does have one other option in mind.

She says Jake has a 10-year-old cousin that she used to watch but now lives far away. She says that she is considering giving the ring to his cousin once she graduates high school, and using the money she got from life insurance to pay her college tuition. She has not told anyone in the family about her plan.

Commenters quickly reached the verdict that she was "not the a–hole".

People were quick to point out how absurd it was that Jake’s family didn’t contribute anything to the cost of his funeral.

“Since you paid for the funeral, and they didn’t, offer to sell them the ring back for the cost of the funeral,” the top commenter wrote. “If you’re not family entitled to keep the heirloom in their opinion, you shouldn’t have had to pay for the funeral expenses. The brother was an AH to ask for it at the funeral.”

Other commenters criticized the family’s motives for asking for the ring back and questioned why it had to be that one specifically.

“They don’t want it back because it’s a family heirloom, they want it back because Stacy is shallow and Jim can’t spend the money,” another top commenter wrote. “If he could buy the same ring they wouldn’t care, but are using the ‘family’ BS to manipulate you.”

Hopefully, the woman can find the peace she needs to keep living a fulfilling life, and the family can realize how they were in the wrong and make amends.

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Jonathan Alfano is a writer who focuses on news and entertainment topics. He majors in journalism at the University of Central Florida with a minor in sports business. Follow him on Twitter.