Woman Asks If She’s Wrong For Refusing To Pay Money Towards Boyfriend’s Mortgage If She Moves In With Him

She wants a free pass.

Couple arguing fizkes / Shutterstock.com

People online are scratching their heads as a woman on Reddit told the story about how she wants to move in with her boyfriend but refuses to pay him money for rent — essentially wanting to live there for free.

On the subreddit “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA), users come in to tell the stories that have placed a pickle in their lives and ask strangers for their opinion — are they in the wrong?

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Four ratings can be applied to the person’s story: YTA (You’re the A--hole, NTA (Not the A--hole), ESH (Everyone Sucks Here), or NAH (No A--holes Here), and most people are in agreement when it comes to what they rated this woman’s story with.

The woman refuses to pay rent toward her boyfriend’s mortgage because she has no stake in it.

To provide some context, the woman explains that she, a 29-year-old woman, and her boyfriend, a 33-year-old man, have been dating for three years and he has been living in his home, that he is still making mortgage payments on, for seven years.

They’ve both decided, as a couple, that the next step in their relationship would be to move in together and they both agreed that they want to — she just has one problem with the idea.


“I am refusing to pay any money that would go directly towards his mortgage. I don't have any stake in the house, why would I contribute to his mortgage payments?” she wrote. “I'm ok helping with utilities, groceries, household items, etc. But paying his mortgage is a hard no from me.”

She explains her side of the argument, which is that, if they were to break up, she would get nothing from all of the payments she made and would have no equity or share of the home she had been paying for.

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“His argument is that I would essentially be living with him for free and it would cause an uneven dynamic in our payment towards shared living expenses,” she continued. “He also argued that his mortgage is pretty much exactly what I was paying in rent, so by cutting that in half I am saving a lot of money on living costs compared to living on my own.”


Her suggestion for a compromise was a contract that stated in the event of a breakup, he would pay back all of the money she had paid toward his mortgage — something that he refuses to do.

She explains that the lease for the apartment she is currently renting will be over soon and that she needs to make a decision about where she’ll go.

“It doesn't help that my landlord is going to be increasing my rent,” she wrote, “and similar apartments in our area are going for even more than I'm currently paying.”

Everyone in the comments seemed to agree when passing down the YTA judgment.

Many people pointed out the very clear flaw in her argument — she’s currently paying rent for a place that she has absolutely no stake in.


“You clearly don't have any problem paying your landlord's mortgage and you have no stake in that,” wrote one user. “How is this any different? You live there, you can help pay for the expenses. YTA.”

Everyone seemed stunned that she would risk spending more than double what she’s currently paying instead of just paying her significant other.

“YTA. You would rather pay more, than anything to him,” wrote another user. “Break up with him so he can find someone smarter.”


Others suggested a third option — instead of not paying rent at all, they should enter some sort of renter agreement similar to the one that she’s currently in.

It would provide her with protections from eviction in the event of a breakup, but would also send money towards the payment of his mortgage — something she’d be doing with a stranger anyway.

Regardless, everyone agreed that she was completely in the wrong and that she should think about her decision carefully before doing anything stupid.


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Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Since graduating from Rutgers University, he spends most of his free time gaming or playing Quadball. Keep up with his rants about current events on his Twitter.