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It was a hurtful thing to say.
By Nia Tipton — Last updated on Oct 20, 2023
A woman was left with no choice after her mother made a disparaging remark about her wife's child. In a Reddit post, the woman explained that she and her wife had been together for eight years and married for five of them. When the two first began dating, Ava had been a single mom to her two daughters, 10 and 12, and her son, 16.
"I’ve watched these kids grow up, I’ve read the bedtime stories, done bath time, the first days of school, PTA meetings, all of it," the woman wrote. "I very much consider them to be my kids, and they’ve been calling me mom for almost 6 years now."
Her children had been the only grandchildren on her side of the family since she and Ava started dating.
"There’s never been a moment where the kids and my wife were treated like they didn’t belong," she added. "My brother is their uncle, [and] my mom and dad are their nana and pop — the kids see my family as their family and I always thought that my family felt the same way about them."
She continued, writing that her brother, Ivan, just welcomed a daughter with his fiancée Sara. While the woman and her children were over at Ivan's house, her parents ended up coming by to drop off gifts for his newborn baby.
"Ivan laughed when he saw the toys and told our mom and dad that they were going to end up spoiling her rotten."
In response, their mother claimed that since Ivan's daughter was their "first grandchild" they would always spoil her with presents.
After hearing what she'd said, the woman's youngest daughter looked hurt, while her son and eldest daughter also looked bothered. That's when Sara decided to speak up, saying, "oh, you mean first grandbaby, not first grandchild."
However, the woman's dad shook his head and replied that they'd meant what they'd said before.
The woman was left flabbergasted and decided to disinvite her parents from Thanksgiving dinner.
"I didn’t want my kids to keep sitting there and listening to that so I handed my son my keys and told him to wait in the car with his sisters," the woman wrote.
Once the children were out of the house, she confronted her parents, asking why they would say something so hurtful in front of them.
Her mother argued that her children "couldn't be their grandchildren" since they "weren't really" her children.
The debacle ended with the woman telling her parents that they weren't allowed to come to their house for Thanksgiving "if they didn't view my kids as family."
"I left before they could say anything else to me, and my wife and I have reiterated to the children that they will always be my kids and I will always be their other mom, regardless of our DNA," she wrote.
Since the incident, the woman's brother told her that she reacted "too harshly" and that she should "try and see where [her] parents are coming from." Her mother tried to text her, still firm on her belief, writing that she still "loves the kids" but "they still aren't her grandchildren."
Most people agreed with the woman's decision.
"You are completely justified in your reaction. If it were me, I don’t know if it is something that could be fixed with a simple apology," one user wrote.
Another user added, "Your parents essentially used your children as their stand-in grandchildren until the baby came. If your brother didn't have a kid, they would still be the grandparents they were."
"You gave your parents a chance to walk back their unfortunate comments and they doubled down. For them to say that in front of your kids is inexcusable," a third user chimed in.
Blended families are still families.
According to an article on Forbes, at least 1300 new blended families are created each day with at least 16 percent of children living in blended families, whether that be through marriage, adoption or other various arrangements. Likewise, blood relatives don't always have strong family ties, so basing whether or not someone is family based on genetics alone isn't always fair.
It's natural for this mom to want to feel hurt after her parents' comments, and her parents shouldn't have doubled down on their idea that their grandchildren were not really their grandchildren. However, it's normal for things to get blown out of proportion when both sides feel attacked. Ultimately, both side agree that they love the kids, who should be their top priority regardless of the label.
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.