Woman Who Bought 'Poor' Nephew Cheaper Gift Than His Cousins Asks If She Did The Wrong Thing
She says his parents can't reciprocate.
cottonbro studio / Pexels Holidays are supposed to be a time of giving. It’s a chance for those who have been afforded the luxuries of life to give to those who are less fortunate.
That’s part of the reason a woman’s post on the subreddit, AITA (Am-I-The-A—hole) is raising eyebrows.
The lady starts by explaining that she and her husband buy gifts for all the kids in their families every Christmas. She admits her family is financially comfortable and college-educated.
Since one nephew has 'poor parents' she doesn't want to splash out on his gift.
Her husband, “C”, and his family are immigrants and tend to work blue-collar jobs. C’s nephew, “L” is a 12 or 13-year-old who migrated to the United States with his parents a few short months ago.
The family doesn’t speak English yet and shares a one-bedroom apartment. The father works, but the mother does not, so the family is struggling financially.
This year, aside from L, the couple is shopping for Christmas gifts for five young people, including a 19-year-old, whom they’ve raised since he was 15. They bought him a $100 gift.
There is a group of siblings, ages, 10, 6, 2, for whom the couple spent about $35 apiece. Then there is a 6-year-old, who they spent $45 on for Christmas.
The woman admits that she determined how much to spend on each child based on how much the child’s parents spent on gifts for her family.
When it came to L, the woman bought a “really cheap $15 Lego set.” She says, “I did not want to get him nothing because that seems cruel.”
She doesn’t expect to get any gifts from his parents so wanted to limit how much she spent on the boy.
C, the poster’s husband wanted to spend as much on L as they did on the other kids. He told her that the boy’s family has had a “tough year.”
The man went on to tell his wife that they could afford more and asked that an additional $30 be spent on L’s gift. He didn’t want the boy to see that his cousins got better presents than he did.
Still, the Redditor stood her ground. She proudly announces, “I told my husband that L’s mom should get a job and give him a nice Christmas.”
She then toots her own horn, reminding her husband that she is paying for and cooking dinner and that the recently immigrated family won’t be contributing to that either.
C was hurt by her comments, but the woman assures us that the thinks every child deserves a nice Christmas but spending on people who can’t return the favor is unnecessary.
Because her husband could relate to the boy’s plight, he was upset and the woman ended up spending an additional $20 on L.
But the conversation seems to have left a bad taste in her husband’s mouth. She says, “C still won’t talk to me, and I can’t understand why.”
Now the woman wants to know if she was in the wrong. But she does provide a little bit more context for readers to consider.
First, she says that her family has been financially supporting the boy and his parents since their arrival in the United States.
As undocumented immigrants, the family doesn’t qualify for government assistance. She also clarifies that the family has a gift exchange with a $50 limit every year.
Readers were not at all amused by her holier-than-thou attitude. One person said, “YTA (you are the a—hole). If anything, his parents not having much would be a reason that I spend more on the child.”
Another person agreed, stating, “Exactly. I can't understand OP's thought process at all.”
Others wondered why her college degree was relevant.
The suggestion that the boy’s mother simply “get a job” is somewhat ignorant since it may not even be possible due to the family’s immigration status.
It seems that the Redditor has the wrong idea about giving. It’s clear the family won’t be able to participate in the gift exchange, but that doesn’t mean the child should be left out.
People are much more important than customs and a little more love and generosity may be just what the family needs at this difficult time.
It costs nothing to be a kind and empathetic human being. Many of us have privileges that we take for granted. That recognition can go a long way in practicing humility.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.