The Traditional Male Behavior That's Supposed To Keep Men Safe, But Ends Up Destroying Them Instead
Featureflash Photo Agency | Shutterstock At the peak of his career, everything was like a dream. Drummer Ryan Dusick and Maroon 5 took the world by storm. They won a Grammy, Ryan should've been over the moon, but he kept a secret.
He was in pain. Weakness and numbness in his hands made him unable to keep the rhythm. He was struggling emotionally but told no one. The secret led to him being pushed out of his band.
On a moving episode of the Getting Open podcast, host Andrea Miller sat down with Dusick to talk about the destructive behavior many men face and how this played a role in his departure from the band and the end of his musical career. His behavior contributed to hidden mental health struggles and a serious substance use disorder.
The traditional male behavior that's supposed to keep men safe, but ends up destroying them instead
How 'male silence' ended Ryan Dusick's career & harms many men's lives
Being in a huge band took a lot of emotional strength and hard work. He believed he could keep up with it. He thought his drumming would hold up to the intensity of being on stage during a massive tour.
Dusick says, "The hours were long, the drives were long. You know, there were times when we didn't have a lot of sleep, and I certainly was exhausted, but I felt like I was able to keep up with the pace of it. "
With 90-minute sets every night, hardly any sleep, and more responsibilities piling up, even the toughest person would begin to struggle. He explains, "One day we did The Ellen DeGeneres show. One day we were live on the air on KISS FM. There was no rest, there was no stopping. And that just continued from that point on."
The pressure of not measuring up
Dusick began to feel the pressure of not measuring up. He wanted to be the best drummer he could be, but he didn't have a professional background. Unlike his peers, he was completely self-taught.
"I was also highly perfectionistic and always wanting to be at the very best of what I could achieve," Dusick told Miller. Because of this, he kept his suffering quiet, as many men are taught to do. He found himself around people who were more talented or went to the top schools. Dusick began to experience imposter syndrome.
He was under a lot of pressure to measure up, and his mind filled with self-doubt. However, Dusick believed that if he kept pushing and "toughening it out," he would eventually be fine.
"In retrospect, I believe everyone was going through something [due to] the pressure [and] the demands of the lifestyle, maybe in slightly different ways, based upon our own different temperaments and personalities."
Despite his best efforts to perfect his craft — even to the point of not drinking or smoking — it didn't matter. This imposter syndrome followed him everywhere. He recalls, "The first time I ever really experienced imposter syndrome as a drummer was when I watched Travis Barker, who at the time was in a band called the Aqua. "
Barker was classically trained in percussion, experienced playing in a band, and had a technique where he could play both fast and powerfully. Dusick continues, "Backstage, he would have a little drum pad strapped to his knee, and he was just doing his para doodles and rudiments, things I had never even heard of that didn't even occur to me."
Injuries amplify the issues
Dusick ended up with a diagnosis of chronic tendonitis in his right shoulder and thoracic outlet syndrome, which caused his right arm to slow down. But despite this setback, he continued to push himself. He went to doctor after doctor and did physical therapy, but he kept on playing the drums, knowing it would worsen his injuries.
"I couldn't keep up with the track," he explained. "There was a playback coming, I kept getting off the track, and it was embarrassing."
After struggling for so long, Dusick was finally asked to leave the band. He saw it coming, but still clung on to hope. However, he knew it was over when Adam Levine delivered the news to him personally.
Dusick recalls, "Levine phrased it this way. What happens is not whether the same thing happens. But what happens when the same thing happens? And so I knew. I knew at that moment there was no bargaining. This was a done deal."
Depression becomes the best friend of substance abuse
Describing it as devastating, Dusick sank into a deep depression, and that's when the drinking and alcohol abuse began.
Dusick admits, "You know, you just put so much pressure on yourself, and you don't have to be perfect all the time. You could let go a little bit. And so alcohol became a facilitator of that."
It was a tough road to face the truth and start the recovery process, and Dusick knows things might have been easier if he'd just opened up. He knows much of the problem could've been prevented.
In our society, men are told to keep quiet, power through, and deal with problems on their own. But as a therapist today, Dusick is ready to share his story to help others steer clear of the same mistakes he made. It all begins with asking for help.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
