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There Are Only 2 Dynamics That Work In A Long-Term Marriage, According To A Therapist

Photo: @lotsofjaime vis TikTok / Pham Hoang Kha via Pexels
Jaime, bride and groom holding hands

A woman revealed the advice she had gotten from her therapist regarding what it takes for a long-lasting marriage.

In a TikTok video, Jaime informed viewers about the type of marriage dynamics that she learned from her therapist about how women and men should approach love in order to have a fulfilling relationship. "People often ask me, 'How did you get your husband to change?' Part of the answer is we have one of the winning marriage dynamics," she wrote in the caption of her video.

Jaime shared the explanation from her therapist about the only two dynamics that work for a long-term marriage.

At the start of Jaime's video, she stitched a clip of another couple discussing their biggest fight, which prompted Jaime to share a piece of advice her therapist had given her.

"It reminded me of something a therapist told me a couple of years ago that I have been wanting to share on here," Jaime began. She explained that her therapist had been doing marriage, family counseling, and individual counseling for around 30 years and that she's noticed there are only two dynamics that can work in a marriage.

According to the therapist, for a marriage to last a couple can either be equally in love with each other or the man can be more in love with the woman than the woman is with the man. 



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"She said the matches that always fail is when the woman is more in love with the man than the man is with the woman," she continued. "She said the reason for this [is] men who are madly in love will do the sacrifice changes; listening, communication, and work of being in a relationship long-term." She claimed that her therapist noticed that women would do all of that work regardless of how in love they were with their partners, "but men will only do it if they're madly in love."

Jaime added that upon hearing this from her therapist, she felt a wave of sadness that women weren't even allowed to love wholeheartedly without worrying if that feeling was being reciprocated by their male partners.

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It's an interesting concept but ideally, the success of a long marriage should be dependent on both partners being able to have the same amount of love and affection for each other. According to a long-time study from the Los Angeles Times, of 130 newlywed couples, it was found that men allow their wives to influence them to have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce.

Influencing means accepting, understanding, and allowing your partner’s perspective, feelings, and needs into your decision-making process as a couple. It means really listening to your partner and forming compromises so that you both feel satisfied.

In the comments section, many people felt strongly about the idea that men should be more in love with their partners for a relationship to work.

"Straight facts. Trust me I love my husband to death but I do believe he loves me even more. He puts in a lot of work!" one TikTok user shared.

Another user added, "All I want is somebody to love me as equally as I love them. To want to put in as much work as I do. The bare minimum. I can't get that."

"I’m welling up with tears at the hopelessness it feels for a man to love more than me. I love so big. Love this video, but it does make me sad," a third user pointed out.

Every relationship is unique, and the dynamics of love can differ from one partnership to another. What matters most is that both partners are committed to nurturing their love, communicating effectively, and maintaining a strong emotional connection.

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.