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‘My Wife Came Out As Gay & I Can’t Help But Hate Her’ — Man Opens Up About Conflicted Feelings Amid His Divorce

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man hates wife after she come out

A man took to Reddit to open up about the heartbreak he feels after his wife of 24 years came out.

He revealed to Reddit’s 'TrueOffMyChest' subreddit that, though he knows he shouldn't, he feels a hatred burning towards his partner.

The man’s wife came out after 24 years of being together because her homophobic father died.

He explained that his wife recently came out because it is Pride Month but adds that her father's recent passing played a role in her revelation too.

He wrote, “He was infamously homophobic, so much so he disowned my wife’s brother for being gay.”

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As she feared facing the same fate as her brother, she kept quiet all these years and finally came out after her dad died.

The man further explained that they have been married for 18 years and have three children together. The man wrote, “[Their] lives are about to be torn apart thanks to a divorce”.

The man feels he devoted most of his life to his wife.

They started dating when the woman was 20 years old and the man was 19 years old — meaning a large portion of their younger years were spent together.

The man wrote that while his friends were enjoying their 20s, he would spend time with his girlfriend. 

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He wrote, “While my friends had finally made it out of college and started working and living alone with expendable income, I was married." 

He felt he gave up a lot when he was younger for family life, however, he doesn’t have any complaints about it as he wanted to do it for his wife.

“What I thought was 2 decades of bliss was agony for her,” the man wrote.

The man understood his wife but refused to support her.

He acknowledges that her reasons for not coming out are valid. She had been in this life for too long so it must have been difficult for her to open up.

However, he feels she still lied to him for all these years.

He mentioned that he shared his entire life with her and after so many years, he found out that she didn’t want to share hers with him.

As a result, he refused to support her after she asked him to understand her.

He wrote, “What she did is villainous. What she has done is worse than cheating. This is heartbreaking and I can’t help but hate her.”

He further wrote that even though he hates her, he doesn’t want to express it. He wants to keep a positive relationship with her because of their kids.

Redditors also expressed their support for the man while sharing their stories.

One user wrote, “I completely understand as a bisexual person why gay people feel this need to lie. It’s heartbreaking really. But choosing to lie and break someone else because of that fear is irresponsible and evil.” 

“My mom came out when I was a toddler, after 13 years of marriage with my dad. That was 20+ years ago. My mom still wishes he’d talk with her and be friends, but reading your post has helped me understand why my dad is still so angry with her,” another user wrote.

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Sanika Nalgirkar is a news & entertainment writer at YourTango based in Seattle, Washington. She has a master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of Washington. You can check out some of her writing on her website.

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