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Did she make a big deal about it?
By Kurtis Condra — Written on Jun 12, 2022
One woman is seeking advice after she was upset to learn that her fiancé had a "work wife."
The concept will be familiar to many of you and typically refers to a partner's close relationship with a coworker. Though it is typically said in jest, it can create real problems.
The woman took to the subreddit r/AmITheA--hole to tell her story.
This subreddit is a place to find out if you were in the wrong for something that happened. You tell your story about any non-violent conflict you had.
Give both sides of the story and after deliberation find out if (YTA) "You're the A--hole" or (NTA) "Not the A--hole" or (ESH) "Everyone Sucks Here."
She asked her fiance not to renew his vows with his "work wife."
The post begins by saying she overheard her fiancé's coworkers joking over their zoom meeting.
Her fiancé whose name is Mark works with a woman named Megan. both have similar responsibilities and need to work together as a team. They don't interact outside of work.
She was in the living room as it was happening and heard people talking about something.
"People began talking about what they wanted to do when everyone returned to the office. I could hear someone say that my fiancé and Megan must really miss each other. Several other people began referring to them as 'work wife' and 'work husband,'" she says in her post.
She then heard a worker suggest that Mark and Megan "renew their vows" when everyone returns to the office with him joking they would be registered at Office Depot. The woman left the room in tears with Mark oblivious to what he had done.
She confronted her fiancé saying she felt humiliated.
She told Mark she felt humiliated by all this. They were supposed to have their wedding in September but during the pandemic, they had to postpone it. Mark explained that the "renew the vows" was a joke and not a big deal.
She however felt the term "work wife" itself was offensive and humiliating because she is his wife.
She demanded that at their next meeting he publicly apologize to his office and tell them he would not be "renewing vows" with Megan because he's engaged to marry someone else. She also demanded the office stop calling Mark and Megan "work spouses."
"He says he can't do that because it will be embarrassing and hurt his reputation at work with his colleagues. I said "oh, is it hard to feel embarrassed? I would never know what that's like." He called me an asshole." She said.
She concludes her post by asking if she overreacted.
Reddit users were conflicted in their responses.
Users have been unsure how this story went. Some said that the whole "work wife" thing is disrespectful and silly, but she did overreact to what was said as a joke.
Her fiancé is not literally going to renew vows with anyone. They say if he were to publicly apologize it would "make a mountain out of a molehill, and give everyone the impression that you're a difficult person."
The woman did respond by saying that they were all actually planning to make this happen and that her fiancé was on board with it all.
One user expressed that her walking out in tears is an overreaction and that demanding he release a statement is ridiculous.
One user though said that she was YTA but not for the reasons everyone was saying,
The user agrees that she went overboard demanding he apologize saying that doing this behavior will get her fiancé in trouble.
But they agree with her about the "work wife" thing because it is a very strange thing and said she was in bounds to tell him to stop but was in the wrong in how she approached it.
This topic was a difficult one because there are factors of what went wrong here but her reaction seemed a little over the top. The term "work wife" is silly and it would've been better had she told her fiancé she didn't like it and wish for him to stop.
Apologizing to the office seems over the top.
Kurtis Condra is a writer for YourTango living in San Francisco. When he's got free time on the weekend, he walks his dogs on the beach and takes his turtle on a walk through the parks. He also enjoys taking care of the local horses.