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Having a baby is life-changing.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Dec 14, 2022
A woman from Manchester, England wonders if she’s in the wrong for snapping at her best friend for not hanging out with her now that she has a child.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA), the 29-year-old stay-at-home mom explained that she got “unexpectedly pregnant” just over two years ago, and now has an 18-month-old daughter named Ciara.
She explains that her friend group has shrunk considerably since the birth of her daughter, but her best friend, Mia, 31, has stayed in her life.
She notes that Mia doesn’t have or want children, yet she’s “been brilliant with Ciara.”
The woman states that she and Mia live within walking distance of one another on the same street and that, since her friend works from home, she’s "told Mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to." (she works from home)” but Mia rarely does.
Mia visited often when Ciara was younger but has been coming over less and less.
This led the woman to wonder whether her best friend was ditching her now that she is a mom.
Recently, Mia’s been suggesting that they meet out for “coffee or pizza or even a drink,” but the woman declines those invitations, saying that she doesn’t have the time to do so.
She then responds to Mia’s requests by inviting Mia over to her house for coffee, instead of going out.
Mia asked the woman if she wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink over the weekend, an invite the woman declined.
Instead, she told her friend that “she’s welcome to come over and have a few drinks” at her house.
Mia replied that she already had set plans, and that she felt weird drinking around a child.
When the woman saw photos from Mia’s night out without her, the images set her “fuming.”
She believed that Mia ditched her “so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again.”
On Reddit, she wrote about how neglected she feels, like Mia “put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. I’m always available but she rarely comes over and I don’t think that’s fair.”
“I felt rejected and horrible,” she says. “I thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house.”
She continues her story by explaining that after that weekend, Mia called and asked if she wanted to go for a coffee in town, but she asked Mia to come over again.
Mia said yes, but before the phone disconnected, she muttered, “like always,” a comment that annoyed the woman.
When Mia arrived, the woman shouted that Mia is “an awful friend, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with [her] to just say it.”
Mia responded that she’s “always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with [her] when there’s always a kid.”
Mia then asked if Tom, the woman’s partner, could care for Ciara once in a while so that the two friends could go out like they used to.
The woman says that Mia’s request “felt really intrusive and I told her to mind her own business and not meddle [in] my marriage. I was really angry with her and kicked her out.”
Mia called her a selfish a–hole on her way out.
The woman writes that she expected Mia to call and apologize, but Mia hasn’t done so. She wonders on Reddit if she was too harsh, and if she should have been more careful in her approach to calling Mia out.
Users on Reddit voted her the a–hole for expecting her friends to make plans according to her life and obligations.
One user commented that “Mia just wants to have a normal social life that occasionally happens outside of your house."
"It’s not her fault you aren’t willing or able to ever leave it. Sounds like she’s been coming to you for years, while you’ve put zero effort into meeting her halfway.”
That same user called the woman out, stating “It’s YOU that’s failing to make time for Mia. Not the other way around.”
Another user noted that “when you have a child, they are the most important person to you. But that doesn’t mean that they are the most important person to everyone else.”
That sentiment was echoed in yet another user’s response, outlining that “most people understand that the nature of friendships may change when one or both parties have kids, and it sounds like Mia has tried to be accommodating of her needs.”
Someone else said the same thing in slightly harsher terms, admonishing the woman for making “martyred motherhood your entire personality. It’s pretty selfish to think she should always have to accommodate you and your inability to have a life outside of being a mom.”
Other users noted that the two friends sound like they’re on different paths.
“Asking if your partner could watch your kid doesn’t seem like an intrusive comment, but your reaction potentially makes it seem like there are some issues in the relationship,” argued one user.
Others called the woman “immature and manipulative.”
One more generous person spoke directly to the woman, saying “I think you need to take this as a bit of a wake-up call that perhaps you’ve lost a bit of who you are independent of being a parent. It’s okay to have a day off, ask your partner to watch the baby, hire a babysitter, or take the pram into town for coffee.”
Reddit deemed the woman the a–hole, making it clear she has some work to do in reframing her expectations for her relationships.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.