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She needed his support.
By Nia Tipton — Written on Dec 12, 2022
A man is being criticized after he refused to comfort his wife.
Posting the entire debacle to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA)—a forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them—the man attempted to defend his decision.
In his Reddit post, the man, 35, explained that he has two children from a previous relationship—aged 15 and 11—and a child that he had during an affair, age 3.
He and his current wife, 28, have been together for 10 years, and while none of his children are biologically hers, they still treat her as if she's their mother.
"All children call my wife their mum, she’s a great parent; she got the eldest into gymnastics and swimming, she does their homework with them and they’re really close - it’s nice to see," he explained.
After finding out that he and his wife are expecting a baby, the man's youngest child began lashing out.
The news of the pregnancy caused his youngest child to start acting out, which is often a normal reaction when young children often find out they are getting a sibling.
However, seven months into the pregnancy, his wife lost the baby, leaving the couple devastated.
"I don’t have the emotional bandwidth anymore, I’m exhausted. We just lost a child, not just her," he wrote.
While he was getting ready for work one morning, he overheard his youngest child tell his wife, "You're not my mum, you don't love me."
The man noted that it also wasn't the first time that his youngest child said that to his wife.
"I went to work, [and] when I came back the eldest told [me] that my wife dropped [the] youngest off at nursery and then locked herself in our room, and apparently had been crying for a few hours then left."
When he messaged his wife to ask what was wrong, she replied: "thanks for helping me this morning, I’m staying at my mother's. I’m not in the mood to help with your child at the moment since you don’t help me/tell her I’m her mother."
He tried to apologize and explain that he didn't have time to say anything because he was rushing to get to work, but his wife didn't respond to his message.
"[I] didn’t realize she was so unhappy but said at the end of the day [his] youngest lost her sibling too and it’s been a difficult transition," he continued, adding that they've been looking into "family counseling" to help resolve the issues.
Most people who commented on the man's Reddit post agreed that he was in the wrong for not comforting his wife.
"Your wife is so obviously struggling with a serious depressive crisis, and you’re just completely neglecting that. I’m wondering [about] all your other delightful behaviors," one user wrote.
Another user added, "You had to work and you don't appreciate having your eldest witness her being upset? You have got a lot of gall."
"You have 3 biological children and it sounds like she has none," a third user chimed in.
"I'm sorry, but you really can't understand what she's going through, and telling her to suck it up and hide her emotions is awful."
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.