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Man Says In-Laws Gifted Him & His Fiancé A House But It's Only In Her Name — He Wants To Turn It Down

Photo: ESB Professional / romakoma / Shutterstock via Canva Pro
Man, wedding gift, house

A man has caused a rift between himself and his future in-laws after he declined a wedding gift that was meant to be for him and his fiancé. He informed them that it was not a wedding gift unless it was given to both partners.

His fiancé and her parents were insulted by the man’s statements and now he is wondering if he was being unfair.

The man’s in-laws gifted him and his fiancé a new house but it’s only under her name.

Sharing his dilemma to the subreddit "r/AmItheA-–hole" (AITA), the 29-year-old man asked others if he was treating his future family too harshly. He began his post by sharing that he and his 27-year-old fiancé grew up in completely different worlds.

“I was an immigrant who moved here when I was 6, and we were definitely struggling a lot,” he wrote. “My parents worked extremely hard to provide for me and [my] siblings, and they always prioritized our education over everything.”

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Due to the family’s struggles, the man shared that it was his father’s dream to one day own his own house since they always rented in expensive areas with high-quality schools for their children. Unfortunately, he never had the chance to fulfill his dream since he died when the man was 17 years old. His mother died three years ago after a battle with covid.

The man’s fiancé on the other hand grew up extremely wealthy and privileged, with money being the least of her family’s problems. “Private schools, designer clothes, three to four international vacations per year flying first or business class the whole way,” he wrote.  “Her parents were able to fairly easily cover all expenses themselves.”

However, he claims that his fiancé is extremely intelligent and all of her accomplishments were well-deserved. While her education was taken care of for her, the man was only able to attend college with the assistance of student loans, scholarships, and part-time jobs.

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The two met six years ago while working for the same company after graduating college. Not only did the jib lead the man to his future wife, but it also provided him with financial stability.

“Both of us still work at the company, however, I've progressed through the career ladder a bit more quickly than she has and now make just over twice what she does,” he admitted. “That has allowed me to aggressively attack my student loans, and once they were paid off, I put that into saving up for a down payment on a house as a way to fulfill my parents' dreams.”

The man proposed six months ago and so far, things had been going smoothly, up until recently when he went to his future in-laws’ house for dinner. “Her parents told us that for a wedding present, they were going to give us a house,” he revealed. “My fiancé was overjoyed, and although I was also happy, I wanted to know the details as well.”

It was then that he learned that the house was in his fiancé’s name only and that her parents expected them to sign a prenup to protect any and only pre-marriage aspects “just in case.”

The man was insulted that his fiancé’s parents seemed to think that he was after their money, especially considering how successful he had become in his job. “I ended up telling them that they can't call it a wedding present if they only give it to one person,” he wrote. “I then told my fiancé I refused to live in a house that I don't own, and she knows exactly why.”

His in-laws and fiancé were upset with him, and his fiancé wound up staying at her parent’s house while he went home.

The man believes that his future in-laws are overlooking his background and the struggles he had to overcome to be financially successful, and are now stripping him of the opportunity to live his father’s dream of owning his own home under his own name.

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Other Redditors supported the man and disagreed with his in-laws' so-called ‘wedding gift.’

“Honestly, I don't think they're terrible for wanting to give a nice gift but also ensure their investment goes to her in the event of a divorce,” one user commented.  “That said, you've been dating for six years. They know you, they presumably know your background, homeownership goals, etc.” 

“I wouldn't live in a house that was just owned by my wife and vice versa,” another user wrote. “Stick to your guns, either it's a gift for both of you under both your names or just buy your own house and fulfill that lifelong dream.”

“That is not a wedding gift. That is a bridal gift, for the bride only. They aren't giving the house to you as a couple. They are giving her a house and making sure that you get NO equity in it whatsoever,” another user shared. 

Other users offered the man suggestions on how he can make the house just as much his as it is hers.

“Ask that you pay for half of the house and her parents pay for half of the house, with both of your names on it,” another user recommended. “Then, you can sign a prenup that says that, in the case you divorce, you both will get exactly 50% of the home's value at sell.”

“I also think it's totally reasonable for you to say 'no thanks' to the gift, and find/buy a place with your spouse. They obviously understand the value of property — they should understand your desire to have some of your own,” another user added.

Fortunately, the man followed up that he and his fiancé were able to come to an agreement regarding the house after she apologized and saw his side of things.

“We came to the agreement that we would each get half ownership of the house, with her parents paying for 75% of it and me using the money I have saved plus a small mortgage for the other 25%,” he wrote. “Both of our names will be on the title.” His in-laws agreed with the plan after some persuasion.

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.