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Man Wonders If He Overreacted After Catching His Pregnant Fiancée Smoking & Having ‘A Few Shots’

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Pregnant woman holding her stomach

A 26-year-old man and his 28-year-old fiancée are having a child together, and she’s now five months along with her journey — congratulations to them!

However, one night, during a battle with food poisoning that left the man out of commission in the bathroom for a little bit while they were watching a movie, he couldn’t find his fiancée when he returned.

The man found his pregnant fiancée smoking a cigarette outside.

The man flipped out, somewhat understandably at the moment, and admitted that he might have been a bit harsh, so he wanted to hear some other people’s opinions on whether or not he reacted in the right way.

So, he went on Reddit to post in the subreddit “r/AmItheA--hole” to find out if he indeed was, the a--hole.

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This famous subreddit is a place for anyone to post their story, and receive replies and comments on whether or not their decisions are appropriate or not. They are also given a rating by strangers to decide who’s in the wrong in the story.

The rating system is based on comments that will either read, NTA, which stands for “Not The A--hole,” YTA, which stands for “You’re The A--hole,” NAH, which means “No A--holes Here,” or ESH, which means “Everyone Sucks Here.”

“Keep in mind, our unborn child is a planned pregnancy,” he added for more context. “We’ve been trying for over a year, and were overjoyed when we learned that we were expecting. I’m so excited to be a father.”

“In the heat of the moment, I might’ve been a bit harsh, but I was so shocked!” he continued.

“I didn’t even know she smoked. After I found her and expressed how I was frustrated and confused, she screamed at me that it was just a singular cigarette. She also confessed that she’s been having a few shots a week with her girlfriends, and the doctors haven’t said a word.”

I’m no scientist, but I know the government warning that exists on every container of alcohol ever that says women should not consume alcohol when pregnant for risk of birth defects.

A few shots a week seems like a little more than a glass of wine with a fancy dinner and while the science behind the links between Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and alcohol are still blurry, it’s definitely suggested to drink as little as possible during pregnancy.

As for smoking cigarettes, I don’t know a thing, but the people in the comments who seem much smarter than I say that even one cigarette could be very harmful to a baby’s health.

Unfortunately for the man, however, the outburst meant he had to sleep on the couch

“She made me sleep on the couch last night, and she hasn’t said a word to me since. I just got home from work, and she’s said nothing,” he said.

“Am I the a--hole for getting frustrated with her about this? She says it’s not a big deal, but I feel like it is. I tried talking to her sister, who’s had a few kids already, but she doesn’t think it’s a big deal, either.”

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However, the people in the comments do think it’s a big deal and don’t think the man is in the wrong whatsoever, giving NTA ratings all around.

“Obviously don’t smoke,” said one commenter, “but a lot of doctors now actually say a glass a week when pregnant is fine. Every single countries guidelines are different and frankly a lot of guidelines are just to control women.”

This is true. Women are always been fought for control of their bodies and their rights, but while one glass a week is totally fine, many people mentioned that a few shots a week is a totally different story.

“I can’t get over her doing shots though. A glass of champagne. A cold shandy. A glass of wine with a fancy dinner,” said another commenter.

“But doing shots when pregnant seems so much more ‘wrong’ somehow. Shots are really only for one thing; getting drunk. They’re not that enjoyable.”

In an edit, the man revealed that he had a serious discussion with her where she revealed she had been struggling with severe depression and anxiety because of the pregnancy, and that the couple would find help through therapy and talk to the OBGYN about it.

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Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Follow him on Twitter here.