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Man Asks If He's Wrong For Arguing With Wife Who 'Embarrassed Him' By Not Cleaning Before He Had Friends Over

Photo: Elnur / Shutterstock.com
Man in a messy room

A 36-year-old man came home from work the other day with some friends from the office only to find his home in complete disarray.

His wife was nowhere to be found and his three kids were running amok and causing the mess.

The man immediately confronted his wife but was left feeling a little unsure about how he handled the situation.

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Feeling a little conflicted with the argument that clearly ensued, he took his moral issue to the same place that many go and asked the internet elders on the subreddit r/AmItheA--hole (AITA) if he was in the wrong for feeling the way that he did.

The subreddit AITA, or r/AmItheA--hole, is a place for anyone to post their story, and receive replies and comments on whether or not their decisions are appropriate or not.

The rating system is based on comments that will either read, NTA, which stands for “Not The A--hole,” YTA, which stands for “You’re The A--hole,” NAH, which means “No A--holes Here,” or ESH, which means “Everyone Sucks Here.”

The man’s opening paragraph gave a little context on his situation with his wife and kids, saying that “My wife does her best to keep up with the cleaning and keeping the house tidy and I feel for her, I really do so I told her she doesn't have to clean up all the time since the kids are running up and down all day and making huge messes.

"I did tell her that she only has to make sure the house is clean when we have guests over and she agreed with me.”

Right off the bat, this 36-year-old man comes off as a very old-fashioned, patriarchal, “my wife does everything besides make the money” kind of father.

“Well, the other day I brought over some friends from work and when I opened the door all I could see was an utter mess, food and toys and clutter everywhere,” he continued, making his situation worse. “I was shocked I was embarrassed and just mortified that my friends saw my home looking like this.”

He continued to say that some of those people were hanging out at his place for the first time and that his friends also made indirect comments about the state of his home.

After they left, he found his wife — who he seemed not to care about until his friends were gone — and found her sleeping before waking her up and confronting her about the state of the house.

“I woke her up to ask why she didn't tidy up the house knowing I was going to bring friends over,” he began by saying.

“She said she didn't know but I sent her a text letting her know and she said she didn't see it.”

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He went on, talking about how embarrassing it was and how it was her fault for not keeping the house in check and clean while he was at work. She argued that it’s the kids’ fault for making the house dirty and that he should have double-checked with her to make sure that she knew.

The rest of Reddit, however, sees a much bigger problem than all of these arguments.

“YTA. You basically sprung this upon her, didn't check to see if she happened to see the one (1) text where you just casually decided to spontaneously bring home people that day, and showed literally zero care that she wasn't feeling well,” said the top comment.

“SAHM stands for stay-at-home mom, not stay-at-home maid. Her priority is the children. Not to be on call to make the house look unrealistically tidy in an hour's time.”

The fact that this man came home and didn’t check to see if his wife was all right in the first place was the first red flag — only to find her and hear that she’s sick but continue to neglect her and tell her he’s embarrassed only makes things worse.

The children and the house are also his as well, and he should be shouldering that responsibility as well regardless of him being a working man or not.

“YTA. So let me get this straight... you work (presumably) normal business hours, or close to it, and you expect your wife to be ‘on’ 24/7 as a SAHM as well as a house cleaner?” said another comment.

“I'll also say, if your friends really were judging you that harshly for the state of your house, given you have three kids, then your friends are AHs too.”

Another valid concern is that if his friends really cared all that much, then are they really his friends? This is the kind of behavior you’d expect on a middle school playground, not the fully grown men in their 30s.

A lot of the Redditors were on the wife’s side, largely because the post made the man seem far too entitled and negligent of how his wife was feeling or doing, but also because he was in the wrong.

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Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Follow him on Twitter here.

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