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He feels bad for cursing at her, but others feel she deserved it.
By John Sundholm — Written on Feb 04, 2023
A man is being called "abusive" by his girlfriend and her sisters after telling her to "Shut the fu-k up" during an argument.
Posting to the "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subReddit, the man explained what precipitated his strong words, and why he feels he may have overstepped.
In his post, he described how a conversation between his niece and his girlfriend quickly went sideways when his girlfriend wouldn't stop lecturing the child.
The man, who is Black, and his white girlfriend got into an altercation when she gave his niece an inappropriate lecture about the N-word.
The incident happened at a family dinner at the man's grandmother's house. His girlfriend tagged along when we he went to play Monopoly with some of the kids at the dinner.
As one of the children was talking about how rich he wanted to be, the man's young niece blurted out that she can never be rich because she's "an n-word."
When he asked his niece why she had said that about herself, she explained an incident that occurred at her school's recent career day.
His niece had told her class she wanted to be President someday, and afterward a child told her she couldn't be President because she was an "n-word."
He of course told her "that wasn't true" and she immediately burst into tears.
That is when the man's white girlfried piped up.
His girlfriend told his Black niece she needs to forgive and be kind to the white student who called her a racial slur.
As his niece sobbed, the man says his girlfriend told her, "it's really important to forgive the boy who said that because he probably wasn't trying to be mean and was just confused."
"I was totally shocked," he writes, "and told her she needs to stop trying to justify what happened."
His girlfriend shushed him in response, and began "baby-talking" his niece and telling her she "should also try to be nicer to all the kids at school, because 'kindness goes both ways.'"
Understandably, the man says he was "livid," and pulled his girlfriend aside and told her she "needs to learn when to shut the fu-k up."
His girlfriend then began defending herself, telling her Black boyfriend that the "statistics are on her side," and that was when the man decided he'd had enough.
He asked his girlfriend to leave his grandmother's home.
"I know my words were harsh," he writes, "but I thought my girlfriend was talking in a disgusting manner to my niece."
His girlfriend's sisters accused the man of being "abusive" because of the language he used toward her.
Commenters were nearly unanimous in their scorn towards the man's girlfriend.
One user wrote that his girlfriend "deserved the strong reaction. There is no scenario where racism should be tolerated, understood, or forgiven."
"Your gf is a racist and actively promoting it. And she did it in a Black household."
The user went on to add, "why is she still your girlfriend?"
That was a common sentiment among many of the Redditors.
One wrote that the man "needs to Get Out," going on to warn that his girlfriend "probably says that she can’t be racist because she has a black boyfriend."
Another warned him to keep her away from the other kids in his family "before she uses more pretty words to make them feel bad about themselves."
Experts agree that excusing racism can be harmful to children, especially children of color.
Psychologist Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, herself a Black woman, says parents and other adults must model appropriate behavior when it comes to racial issues.
"Children typically look to [adults] as experts," she writes. They also, "see the world with infinite possibility, from an angle of hope and optimism."
"Those views can change negatively when they are taught things that are contradictory to what they have yet experienced."
A Redditor who is also a person of color also warned about this based on their own experiences.
"I believe strongly in healing and forgiveness..."
"...[B]ut telling a kid that you should forgive [racism]...is the reason why so many people struggle to admit when they've been racially abused even when it's blatant."
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.