Entertainment And News

Man Wonders If He Is Wrong For Refusing To Adopt Child His Wife Conceived During Affair

Photo: Prostock-studio / Shutterstock.com
Couple arguing with child

Everything always gets messy once kids get involved — especially when it comes to relationships and marriages.

This story is no different — a 27-year-old man and his 26-year-old wife used to have a great relationship until one night, the wife “got drunk, had a one night stand, and got pregnant from it.”

Now, he doesn’t know if he’s in the wrong for refusing to adopt a child that isn’t his.

The affair occurred five years ago, and although they almost went through a divorce, couples therapy convinced them to stay together and try again — with some arrangements to how they would go about parenting.

RELATED: Woman Wonders If She Is Wrong For Refusing To Babysit Child Her Husband Fathered While Having An Affair

“We talked a lot about it, and I made it clear that I'm ok taking on a step-parent role, but I wasn't willing to fully be his dad,” he wrote on Reddit.

“I wouldn't adopt him, but I would help raise him and get him off to college. My wife agreed to this, became a stay-at-home mom so she could take care of him with help from her parents, and I've pretty much been the fun uncle-like guy.”

Five years later, the wife is trying to force him into fully becoming the child’s father, and he doesn’t know what to do besides go on Reddit in search of an answer.

The subreddit, “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA) helps hundreds of people every single day to find out whether or not they’re at fault in a certain situation.

People come and tell their stories, and others will reply with a rating that usually consists of “You’re the A--hole” (YTA) or “Not the A--hole” (NTA).

However, this story was a special case and was awarded by an overwhelming number of people the “ESH” rating, meaning “Everyone Sucks Here.”

“I play with him, buy him games, try my best to not resent him (and I am in therapy for this), and mostly just stay out of the way of my wife's parenting,” says the step-father.

“He even calls me ‘Uncle,’ instead of dad. He knows I'm not his father and is just happy to play video games with me and chill.”

RELATED: Woman Says Her Mom-In-Law Convinced Husband That She Cheated On Him – Now She Wants To Be Back In Their Lives

While this seems okay, many people pointed out that he’s not actually taking on any parenting role whatsoever.

Step-fathers are typically still fathers who take part in the parenting of the child, but this man just seems like he’s treating the child like a friend’s kid.

“You also are putting them in [a bad] position by planning to be present while demonstrating what I can only call a wedge between you and your wife where the child witnesses it,” said one of the comments.

He’s not wrong for refusing to adopt the child — something he swore he wouldn’t do from the very beginning of their agreement to continue the marriage — but he is an “a--hole” for staying in the marriage and not being a father to the child.

The wife is an “a--hole” for many, obvious reasons. The very first is cheating on her husband, but then she entered into an agreement about parenting that she could only have assumed was temporary since now she wants to change it.

“She's even been manipulating the poor kid, saying he should start calling me dad instead of uncle like he has his entire life, which is upsetting and confusing the poor boy,” wrote the husband.

You shouldn’t use a child to try and get what you want out of your significant other, it’s wrong for the child, wrong for the partner, and wrong for the relationship.

The only person here who wasn’t in the wrong was the child.

Fortunately, it seems as though posting on Reddit helped the man come to his senses as he posted that he would be pursuing a divorce in an update on the post.

Many would probably argue that he should have done that years ago.

RELATED: Mom Wonders If She Overreacted When A Nurse Said Her Adopted Daughter 'Wasn't Her Real Child'

Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Follow him on Twitter here.

Sign up for YourTango's free newsletter!