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Not as tough a choice as it seems.
By Jonathan Alfano — Written on May 06, 2022
A woman is pondering if she was wrong to turn down his mother’s wedding invitation so he can attend his younger brother’s graduation instead.
In a post about the situation on the subreddit r/AmItheA**hole (AITA), the woman says that her 22-year-old brother, who she calls Stefan, invited her and her other younger brother, 18, to his upcoming graduation in July.
Later on, her estranged mother invited her and her siblings to her wedding that happened to fall on the same date as Stefan’s graduation. When she rejected her mother’s invitation, the latter did not take it very well.
“At first she was taken aback and then started bawling and said not only do we exclude her from our major life events (yes I did not invite her for my graduation either), now we are not even attending her major event,” the woman wrote.
“It’s been so long and we still haven’t forgiven her.”
The kids haven’t forgiven their mother for cheating on their father.
The woman explains that Stefan, then 13, found his mother, then 37, in bed with another man, the same one she is now marrying. Finding out about the affair destroyed the relationship all three kids, especially Stefan, had with their mother.
During the custody battle, the kids all sided with their father and didn’t want to be involved with their mother.
“She got visitation rights every weekend but we never went and cried whenever she came to visit us,” the woman wrote.
“My mother lost her s**t and had to go to many therapy sessions as she had lost the custody battle, all her children chose to live with their father and didn’t want to see her.
The two youngest children completely cut off contact with their mother. After five years of their mother trying to reform their relationship, they both threatened to call the police if she kept trying to make contact.
Unlike her siblings, the woman is now on speaking terms with her mother. However, she is still uninterested in reestablishing a true bond with her.
Despite her mother’s emotional reaction to the rejection, the woman reminded her mother what caused it.
“I told her it was just the repercussions of her actions and just left,” the woman wrote.
Most people in the Reddit thread agreed that she was not the a**hole (NTA) for prioritizing her brother over the one who hurt him so much.
“If it was so damn important for her to have your blessing and participation, she’d have talked to you before making any arrangements, let alone setting a date,” one user commented.
“And even if she had, you still wouldn’t need to agree to go. She needs to accept that just because she wants everyone to put her bad choices behind them doesn’t mean it’s going to happen, and deal with the situation she’s got instead of trying to force you to play along.”
“Your mother made a choice to be unfaithful,” another user commented. “Often, the consequence of such a choice is alienation from family members. Time does not heal all wounds as surely as it does not wound all heels.”
Jonathan Alfano is a writer who focuses on news and entertainment topics. Follow him on Twitter to keep up with his content.