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He never wanted to have children.
By Megan Quinn — Written on Dec 20, 2022
When a couple wants to refrain from having children, they usually take every precaution possible. This means taking birth control, using condoms, and even getting surgical procedures including a vasectomy or hysterectomy.
However even after taking some of these measures, there is still a low possibility of falling pregnant.
This is exactly what happened to one man and his wife after they decided they didn’t want children and took every precaution in the book to avoid pregnancy.
Still, the man’s wife became pregnant. Now, he’s filing for divorce.
The man claims that his wife still got pregnant after he had a vasectomy.
Posting his story on the subreddit, r/AmITheA–hole, the man asked other Redditors if he was wrong for making an insensitive comment to his wife in the process of divorcing her after she got pregnant and decided to keep their baby, despite not wanting children.
The man began his post by sharing that he had a vasectomy three years ago because he never had the desire to have children.
“I never liked them and just knew being a dad was never something I’d ever want in the cards,” the man explained.
Around the time of his vasectomy, the man revealed that he and his now ex-wife were becoming serious. She too did not want to have children.
“She even said during that time that if she ever got pregnant she’d want to abort,” the man wrote.
Despite the man’s vasectomy and using condoms as an added precaution, the man’s wife still became pregnant.
“In my mind, there was no way I could’ve gotten her pregnant with all these safety precautions,” the man wrote. “Seriously for a while, I was thinking she cheated on me.”
Paternity tests proved that the man was the baby’s father.
“We had two prenatal paternity tests that proved I’m the father and then one after the baby was born just to be safe,” the man shared.
At the beginning of the pregnancy, the man and his wife discussed abortion, however, she had changed her mind.
“She didn’t want an abortion or to think about adoption,” the man wrote.
His wife's decision was one that he struggled with greatly since he never wanted to be a father. The two went to therapy together which ultimately took them “nowhere.”
After the baby was born, the man attempted to connect with him but failed.
“Honestly it’s just not where I wanted to be,” he wrote.
The man realized that he and his wife were on complete opposite life paths, and decided to file for divorce.
“He’s [the baby] almost gonna be four months old and I just recently moved out while we proceed with the divorce,” the man wrote.
“She’s been doing it on her own or she has her sister come help but I’m not involved at all.”
Although the man will not be physically present in his son’s life, he fully intends to pay child support and it is being handled by the court.
While packing the rest of his things at the house to move out, the man’s ex-wife confronted him.
“The whole time she was there holding him complaining about how hard it is and that it would be a lot easier if his ‘dad’ came around more often to see him and help out with him,” the man wrote.
“Like did she not understand why we’re divorcing at all? The whole point of it was that she wanted to be a mom and I didn’t want to be a dad, which means no involvement.”
The man snapped back at his ex-wife and reminded her that she decided to keep the baby while knowing that the man never wanted kids. She responded by giving him the silent treatment.
Later, the man’s ex-wife’s sister called him. “I got an earful from her sister later on. And the reason why they think I’m an a–hole was I didn’t have to throw it back at her face that she made this decision for herself,” he wrote.
“And she’s already having a hard time without needing the reminders.”
The man acknowledged that it was “an emotional time for everyone”, especially his ex-wife.
However, he wants her to be fully aware of the choice that she made meant losing him and their son having an absent father.
Redditors supported the man since he made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t want to be a father.
“No judgments. If you were upfront AND you're going to pay child support, you're doing all you're capable of legally and emotionally,” one Redditor wrote.
“He's paying child support. He's doing exactly what he said he'd do. It's HER that switched everything up and is now trying to get him to be in the child's life because it's more than she thought it would be,” another user commented.
“It's her right to keep the baby, even after agreeing not to have one, it's not her right to attempt to force an active parental role onto a man who married her on the agreement that there would be no kids,” another user added.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.