Daughter Refuses To Go To Her Mother’s Funeral Because She Thinks It’s A Waste Of Time

Does she get the ‘worst daughter of the year’ award or is her decision justified?

daughter won't go to mom's funeral Reddit, Pexels, Dean Drobot via Canva

Family dynamics are often far from perfect, which sometimes leads to ambivalence upon an estranged family member's passing. This was the reality of Redditor Blackbeards-daughter who posted her experience about her mother's death in the popular subreddit AmITheA–hole before deleting her account.

The woman questioned if she would be in the wrong for not attending her mother's funeral.

Blackbeards-daughter explained that she had a rocky relationship with her mom growing up. When she was 7, she was taken away by CPS and was put in the full-time care of her father. When she was 10 her mom showed up again, outraged, and said that she was taken away from her unfairly.


RELATED: Dad Fakes His Own Death Then Shows Up To His Funeral — 'I Never Get Invited To Anything & Felt Unappreciated'

The Redditor recalls that she did not hear from her mom again until she was 16 and the contact was sporadic after that. The only time she would hear from her mom is if she needed something. 

Blackbeards-daughter expresses her desire to skip the funeral and to study for her university exams and even admits that she doesn't miss her mom, "As bad as this makes me sound, I don’t miss her and don’t think I ever will."

daughter won't go to mom's funeralPhoto: Reddit


After telling her grandmother this, her grandmother called her ungrateful and selfish. 

Her father is on her side, but a few of her other family members have told her what a terrible person she is for treating her mom and grandma like that.

RELATED: Woman Shows Up To Estranged Mother-In-Law's Funeral To Air Her Old Grievance

The people in the comments are reassuring Blackbeards-daughter that she is not the a–hole.

They agree that the Redittor did not have a positive relationship with her mom and does not owe it to her mom to go to her funeral.

One user defended Blackbeards-daughter’s choice to choose her education first in a comment because it seemed like “she said her mom said good-bye to her long ago.”


However, one person argued that “the funeral is not just about the person in the casket. A funeral and the day(s) of viewing the funeral home are for the family and friends to reconnect.” The user continued in their comment that since she is close with the other members of her family, she should consider going to support them.

This made a turn to the online discussion from going for the mom to regarding who the funeral is actually for. One user in the comments mentioned that they went to their toxic family member’s funeral in search of closure, but did not get it, insinuating that they went to the funeral for themselves, which most of the people in the comments agreed with.

Ultimately, the choice of whether or not to go to a funeral is up to the person attending. If they choose not to go and they don’t want to, they shouldn’t.


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Tarah Hickel is a Washington-based writer and frequent contributor to YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news.