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His son didn't want her there.
By Sanika Nalgirkar — Written on Nov 06, 2022
One dad took to Reddit’s “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA) about how his four-year-old son didn’t want to go trick-or-treating with his "workaholic" mother.
AITA is an online thread where people ask strangers for solutions or opinions on their dilemmas.
“I’m a stay-at-home father and my wife is something of a workaholic. She could cut down on her hours if she wished, but she’s always been a very work driven/focused person," he explained.
"She’s not very maternal. Because of this, my son has never been very attached to her.”
While he enjoyed being a stay-at-home dad, he wished that she would bond more with their son.
With Halloween steadily approaching, his son wanted to dress up as characters from his favorite show.
Since the costumes weren’t readily available, he had to make them himself.
His son wanted to go trick-or-treating with his dad’s best friend rather than his ‘workaholic’ wife.
“He ADORES [my] best friend. They have such a sweet bond and have since my son was born. I asked [my] best friend if he wanted to join us trick or treating, and he immediately agreed,” he wrote.
He tried to include his wife in this as well so, he asked his son at dinner the next day what character would he want his mother to be.
However, the kid was quite blunt and stated that he only wanted to go with his dad and his best friend.
“Over the course of the next month, I would casually bring it up again to my son and he continually gave the same answer. My wife was clearly hurt but would always brush it off,” he explained.
When Halloween came around, the couple got into a huge fight when he was getting ready to go trick-or-treating with his son.
His wife wanted to go trick-or-treating in a similar costume as well so, she reprimanded him when she found out that he didn't make a costume for her.
He added, “I pointed out that if she had wanted me to make her one, she could have requested I do so, or she could have gotten one for herself.”
Eventually, he went trick-or-treating with his son and best friend which didn’t sit well with his wife as she felt left out.
Although he felt bad for her, he didn’t want to bring her along as his son didn’t want her there.
He wants both of them to bond where they are both willing to put in the effort.
“At dinner, there are times when he attempts to interact with her and it seems like she just zones out or doesn't bother engaging with him in a meaningful way,” he continued.
“That is where I think their bonding needs to start: from the ground up. Not forced via a matching costume that my son has not been receptive to.”
Reddit users thought he was wrong and felt he should have done more to include his wife.
One user wrote, “why did you let your 4-year-old exclude mom and kind of just roll with it? Especially since you say that she was clearly hurt by it and also that you wish they had a stronger bond.”
Another user wrote, “When you were planning it, perhaps it would have been a good parenting moment to remind your son that being left out of the fun can hurt people’s feelings and there was no reason to exclude mom.”
However, many others supported the stay-at-home dad and thought that the mother should do more to bond with her child.
One person wrote, “I think if she wanted to be more involved, she should involve herself more. At the end of the day, she's an adult and can make these decisions for herself... seems like she hasn't been there for the child for a long time."
Sanika Nalgirkar is a news & entertainment writer. She has a master's degree in creative writing. See more of her writing on her website.