Coozies Upgraded: You Can Now Dress Your Beer In A Puffy Jacket For Winter
They also make sleeping bags for your wine.
puffindrinkwear / Instagram Have you ever snuggled up into your sleeping bag after a long day hiking, grabbed a cold beer, and thought to yourself, "Man, I wish I had an extra teeny sleeping bag for my frosty friend here so he can stay cool enough for Brew Brunch in the morning?"
Well, my outdoorsy drinker friends, your beer bestie's time is now.
Thanks to a company called Puffin Drinkwear, you can now outfit your drink with a cozy little sleeping bag for an evening inside the tent.
The coozie holds a 12-ounce beer bottle with a sleeping bag hood that goes over the neck of the bottle to stop all the chilliness of the beer from escaping out an unsheathed top and has a can opener carabiner on the back of it.
What's that you say? Do you prefer wine? Well don't worry —there's a sleeping bag for your wine bottle, too.
And that one comes with a pocket for your corkscrew.
And those are just the coozies specifically for bottles.
If you're like me and you want to put a tiny outfit on every tiny thing, keep looking through the Puffin's products.
All the coozies have an outdoor theme, perfect for people who take their brews on the boat or the boulders along with them.
Aside from the sleeping bags, you can get a tiny life vest for your "cans that can't swim," the website says.
Your drink will be extra safe when your whitewater raft flips over and unceremoniously dumps everyone and their beers into the water, because maybe you shouldn't be rafting while you're drinking.
You can also get your drink a teensy thermal-insulated vest—try the camo color scheme if you want to hide it from beer poachers lurking around your campsite—or a tactical adventure vest, complete with itty-bitty cargo pockets for the tiniest pebbles and twigs, and with or without a Colorado logo (even though the company's based in Oregon).
Each of the vests has armholes, too, so you can stick your fingers through and pretend your drink is able to pick things up or gesture wildly.
My absolute favorite products, though, are the jackets.
If your can-o-beverage doesn't have a handle, never fear! The jackets have their own arms tucked into pockets on the coats.
Double-fist your one-fist beverage by grabbing each little arm and drinking like it's a royal chalice.
You can get all these extra-fancy choices: just your typical zip-up puffy coat; a cozy flannel jacket for when your drink wants to fulfill its lumberjack fantasies; and the GOAT of all puffy beer coats, the beverage parka.
It's long so your drink's knees don't get chilly and comes with a super fancy fur-lined hood.
All the coozies are double-insulated and fit both cans and bottles, so while they're hilariously stylish, they're also supremely functional.
They're not too expensive, either, ranging from $13 to $22 (for the wine sleeping bag).
And just think, if you buy the whole set, you can amuse all your friends around the campsite or on your pontoon with a miniature beverage-based fashion show. Cheers!
Jennifer Billock is an award-winning writer and best-selling author. She's been published in The New York Times, Smithsonian, Wired, and National Geographic Traveler. Follow her on Twitter.