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She's saying that her niece deserves to be "honored" at the wedding.
By Megan Quinn — Written on Mar 11, 2023
A woman has sparked a family feud after denying her niece the role of a flower girl for her upcoming wedding.
She had already promised her future stepdaughter the job after she asked for it. However, the bride-to-be’s brother and sister-in-law insisted that their daughter take part in the flower girl duties and now claim that she does not truly love her niece. Now, the woman is wondering if she is wrong for standing her ground.
The woman’s brother and sister-in-law want their daughter to be the flower girl at the wedding since she is a ‘miracle’ baby.
Sharing her story on Reddit's r/AmITheA–hole subreddit, the 27-year-old woman detailed why her brother and sister-in-law wanted her niece to serve as the flower girl. The couple welcomed a baby girl a year and a half ago after years of infertility. After being told she would likely never get pregnant, the woman's sister-in-law understandably felt that her daughter was a miracle.
However, as happy as her extended family was about the happy surprise, they've grown somewhat weary of the constant mention of the little girl's miraculous conception.
“Since having my niece, the baby has been the center of attention at EVERY family even we've had since she was born,” she wrote. “Birthdays, weddings, family get-togethers, you name it.”
She adores her niece, but her sister-in-law always goes into a little too much detail about how she was conceived and how her birth was a miracle.
“Many family members have commented on how it's a little bit excessive, but no one has said anything because they don't want to sound like an a–hole,” she added.
The woman shared that because she is getting married in a few months, her brother and sister-in-law approached her and asked if her niece would be the flower girl. However, the position has already been filled by her future stepdaughter.
“My fiancé, 35, has two children, a 10-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter from his previous marriage,” she explained. “His son is one of his groomsmen while his daughter had asked to be our flower girl when we told them the news that we were getting married a year ago, as it's something she always wanted to do, so, of course, we said yes.”
According to 2021 research shared by Smart Stepfamilies, 40% of married couples in the US have one or more children from a previous relationship. Blending families can be challenging but it starts with making children feel included and special in their new family dynamic — which is exactly what this woman was trying to do.
When the woman informed her brother and sister-in-law of this, her sister-in-law asked if her stepdaughter could carry her niece with her down the aisle.
“I said, ‘I don't think she'd be comfortable with that considering she's six,” she wrote. The mother then asked if she could carry her daughter down the aisle. “I said no because I already promised my stepdaughter.”
The woman’s sister-in-law criticized her for the “lack of effort” she was putting into “honoring” her niece at her wedding, especially considering how long and how hard she and her husband tried to have her.
Fed up with the nonstop talk about the 'miracle' child the woman snapped.
“I said, ‘incorporate my niece how? By the time the wedding comes around she'll be two years old. The ENTIRE family already knows your story about how long and hard you guys tried for her. What more do you expect me to do to honor her?"
Her sister-in-law broke down in tears and told her that she obviously did not love her one and only niece and that she was “letting her down.”
“I said of course I love my niece, and obviously she's going to be involved in pictures and stuff,” the woman wrote. “But I'm not going to let my stepdaughter down by giving my niece a role she's too young to remember anyway.”
She claims that her brother and sister are now telling the rest of the family that she doesn't love her niece since she won’t let her be the flower girl. Still, she is standing her ground on giving the role to her stepdaughter. “My fiancé is thankful that I didn't let his daughter down,” she added.
Redditors sided with the woman and believed that her brother and sister-in-law were the ones acting unreasonably.
“The fact that they want you to disappoint your soon-to-be stepdaughter, in order to make their daughter the focus of your wedding is absurd,” one user commented. “She's their miracle baby, not yours.”
“DO NOT, for the love of all things holy, let your niece be the flower girl,” another user advised. “Your sister-in-law needs to learn that her kid is not more important to you than your soon-to-be stepchildren, you are taking on a big role in the lives of these children and they have to know that you are going to stick up for them.”
“If they don't understand why breaking a promise to your future stepdaughter is a bigger issue than letting your sister carry her toddler down the aisle, they're self-centered jerks,” another user pointed out. “Your niece is not more important than your stepdaughter to you, any more than your stepdaughter would not be more important than your niece to her.”
“Big ‘blows out other kids’ birthday candles’ vibes from this. Their miracle baby might be on the way to becoming a monster if OP’s [original poster] sister keeps up with this mentality,” another user shared.
Although other users identified and sympathized with the woman's sister-in-law's infertility battle, they recognized that her "miracle" child was not entitled to any special treatment over other children just because she was born.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.