Emotionally Intelligent People Have 6 Habits That Make People Respect & Admire Them
fizkes | Shutterstock Being admired is certainly a compliment, but it's one that comes with responsibility. Emotionally intelligent people don't take this responsibility lightly, acting in ways that set a high standard for how others are treated.
Whether they're in public service or business settings, accountability is key to becoming a respected leader. Here are a few examples, according to leadership and relationship experts.
6 habits of emotionally intelligent people that cause others to respect and admire them:
1. They have strong boundaries
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Boundaries are easy to talk about, but can be super hard to create and enforce. That's because healthy boundaries are pretty rare to see out in the wild these days. Highly admired people often set boundaries in such a natural way, it's easy to miss that they're doing it at all!
Loulou Palmer, a coach and professional mentor, shares this advice:
"Create good, clear, healthy boundaries. This is the crucial step to gaining respect and admiration and cultivating healthy interpersonal relationships. Research from 2016 states that couples who regularly communicate and share their feelings tend to experience higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships."
2. They create win-win situations for others
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"In a win-win situation, nobody loses. A petty, aggressive person thrives on revenge. They want to see others fail because, to them, that means they succeed," says Izzy Casey.
"A decisive person, however, does not feel rejuvenated by other people's pain. Ultimately, they would like to get along with everyone.
Decisive people, as 2022 research tells us, are confident in the decisions they make. Remember that disrespectful people don't respect themselves at the end of the day."
3. They build other people up and never make them feel small
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According to Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, a positive psychologist and author, the most admired people work hard to strike a balance between boosting others up while maintaining confidence about their own abilities and skills.
When advising others how to become someone who is authentically respected, Dr. Becker Holstein suggests the following:
"Never talk down or make others feel small. At the same time, don't try to diminish what you are doing to make the other person feel comfortable. They will feel comfortable if you are clear and honest when you talk about yourself and enjoy you even more when you ask questions that focus on them for the answers, not yourself."
4. They communicate respectfully
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Being able to hold firm to your boundaries without dismissing others is an important skill for anyone, but especially for leaders.
According to therapist Miki Anderson, Ph.D., LCMHC, "On the whole, being able to communicate and maintain healthy boundaries will increase the level of respect that people give to you. Research from Harvard University confirms that one of the best qualities of an admired leader is effective communication."
So, whether it's in a relationship or at work, make sure you're listening at least as much as you speak. Ask questions and make sure you're really understanding and not just waiting for them to be done speaking.
5. They are attentive listeners who don't get distracted
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"How refreshing is it to see someone speaking to someone who is actively attentive?" asks coach Alex Mathers. "It is becoming rare and gaining instant respect.
Active listening, Harvard reports, is an essential communication skill for people who are admired. What does that look like? It means staying focused on the speaker, listening while they finish their thoughts before speaking and clarifying any points that might be misunderstood.
It also means showing open body language like facing the person speaking and nodding. While this seems obvious, in this era of cell phones and AI glasses giving us constant distractions, active listening is a choice. This choice draws people in and inspires almost instant admiration.
6. They're not pushovers
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We've all heard variations of someone saying that bullies are insecure or unhappy people who project their misery outward. Usually this rings true once you get to know them. Because of this negativity, they tend to attract more negative and even unkind people to them.
"If you find yourself constantly being treated badly," advises Yona Dervishi, "it could also point to the people you're surrounded by. When insecure people notice how you 'take' the hate they throw your way. They'll be more inclined to start treating you like a punching bag than others who are less tolerant."
In a competitive culture, psychology confirms, respect and admiration must be earned. Earning that societally demonstrated respect requires us to begin from within by creating clear boundaries for ourselves in the way we interact with others.
Once we have a clear concept of ourselves, we can better step through the interpersonal challenges we face every day. Let yourself be committed to active communication to create winning environments where other people can't help themselves from respecting your skills.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
