Why You Are Irrelevant To Him Unless Sex Is Involved

Stop wasting your time on him.

woman looking out a window Paintingwithlights / shutterstock

By Brittany Christopoulos

If someone’s heart is invested in a situation, do not throw the ultimate insult at them by telling them that they are irrelevant.

The thing is, guys basically call ladies irrelevant all the time without even saying the insulting word. The phrase, “Actions speak louder than words,” holds nothing but true in regards to our love lives, especially when it comes to the understanding of where you stand with him.


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Mixed signals happen all the time, regardless of your friendship beforehand or not. But there’s nothing like the confusion of trying to determine whether or not he’s only after you for sex. You question yourself on a whole new level and it eventually drives you crazy.

Here’s how to find out if he’s basically saying, “You’re irrelevant in my life but I still wanna have sex with you,” without even saying it:

1. If you haven’t had an actual meal with him, or at least in a public setting

Sure you’ve had pizza once... Once his parents were gone for the weekend and he had the house to himself.


2. His friends and family have no clue you exist, yet yours have heard all about him

Your group chat is lit just talking about him after you hang out and have a wonderful time together; his friends probably only know about how you look naked.

3. He doesn’t openly talk about his family unless you ask him about them

You’ve shared so many personal things with him, yet you have to drag information out about him, especially around his family.

4. He doesn’t reply to your texts, yet opens your Snapchats or views your story

The ultimate test to see if he’s ignoring you is to send him a snap or post a story to see when he opens it. Never fails.

Not to mention that using Snapchat prevents you from being able to screenshot, and they like that. Plus the messages and pictures disappear after a while, just like he does.


5. You only ever hook up if you hang out, or he tries to

“I haven’t seen you in a while, let’s grab coffee.” Next thing you know you’re in his car with his hand on your chest and he’s unzipping his pants. Sound familiar, ladies?

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6. You initiate the conversation most of the time, but if he does it’s on Snapchat

It’s been a few days since you’ve truly heard from him, so why not send him a text? If he doesn’t message you first, clearly he doesn’t want to talk to you. Unless he sends you a Snapchat and it’s after 10. Then you know he’s probably looking for some you-know-what.

7. He rarely wants to cuddle unless it’s after sex

They only cuddle after sex because they want to semi-please you and stay connected to you. Otherwise, they lack any type of intimacy.


8. He says, “I’m not looking for something serious”

They say that to “show” you they are interested, but give you the warning they don’t want to take things further. Then you think you can change that about them. Then it turns out he’s never even made any effort to get to know you at all whatsoever.

9. He goes from showing you all the attention in the world, then changes overnight

That’s what happens when you give his little friend all the attention in the world the night before.

10. Late night drives are all you do

Isn’t this the most annoying thing? Clearly, he’s just that worked up but has a full house, so you have to take a back road and find a little nook to do the nookie in.

11. You get worked up over nothing and are always thinking about him

The overthinking comes hand in hand in these situations because you’re too blind to see the truth of what’s actually going on.


Stop wasting your time on him. You’re clearly irrelevant in his life and are only there to be his temporary fix. He doesn’t care about you in the slightest bit and you deserve to have more respect for yourself.

Accept the fact that you genuinely don’t matter to him and stop making excuses for why he’s not giving you the time of day. I can promise you that once you get rid of toxic and damaging men who treat you this way and make you doubt yourself, you will be much better off.

If he wants to make you irrelevant, beat him to the punch. Because laying on your bed and crying about him isn’t worth it, especially when you can use that time to find someone who makes you feel confident and at your best.


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Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten. Follow her on Twitter.