The Truth Behind Why You And Your Significant Other Keep Fighting

Photo: Lordn / Shutterstock
couple arguing

By Isabelle Zanzer

The beginning stages of any relationship are always the hardest.

You know you like each other, because of the look you exchange while you both smile simultaneously. But, when you lose that warmth and confidence quickly, it’s probably for one simple reason... You’ve stopped communicating.

Instead of actually talking to each other, you run through countless scenarios where you "wish" you’ve said what you wanted to say.

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You wish you’d spoken your mind. You wish you’d told him not to be so damn cold. You wish you’d told him that sarcasm is your second language.

You wish you told him how frustrated you become because you cannot read his mind. You wish you told him how “judged” you feel when you’re around him.

You wish, You wish, You wish, You wish... But that’s the thing — you wish.

You wish you would have told him all of these things. You wish you told him how you felt. You wish you didn’t mask it like you always do. You wish you’d spoken your mind.

And, for all of you whose outer character doesn’t come close to how you actually feel inside (let’s face it, you wouldn’t be reading my words otherwise!), I want you to start speaking up.

Love is messy. Love is confusing. Love can be the reason you feel like you’re in the seventh heaven, or in the midst of your worst nightmare.

Yet, you can also find yourself in the midst of that gray area, where you find yourself struggling with breaking down that barrier, and telling that person what is on your mind is the only solution.

We fail to realize that communication (like actual face to face) is not an option, and even though texting is great, it doesn’t come close to how you’d feel on an actual dinner date.

Society has made big changes. I love how women are claiming their right to equal pay. I love how feminism is slowly becoming a positive phrase, rather than an insult.

But I’d be lying if I said I love how our generation claims chivalry is dead.

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We choose to keep quiet about our issues, we chose to stop doing simple nice things for one another. We silently wait for Prince Charming while swiping right, yet fail to get up and say what we mean.

So, guys, listen up. Women aren’t as complicated as you think. We want you to be there for us. We want to be included in your life. We want you to be happy because that will make us happy too.

We want you to smile and be confident when you are with us. We want you to be yourselves. And, most importantly, we want you to talk to us. Oh, and if you add in a rose every once in a while, we’re yours.

For the ladies, don’t think you’re off the hook! You may fail to realize this a lot, but guys cannot read your mind. It takes guts to bluntly say what is on your mind and to ask your partner to do the same.

Better yet, don’t be afraid to do something nice for them too! Surprise your partner with tickets to his favorite football game or a home-cooked meal (take-out counts too).

Say what you want to say, and say it loud and clear. Say it as you mean it. Say it with all your heart and soul.

And if the other person still uses "Netflix and Chill" as an excuse to avoid talking, I would suggest you’d stop wasting your time and opt into a wine night with your girlfriends instead.

So, why are you still reading this? Go talk to your partner, and tell them everything you were once afraid to say. And no, this doesn’t just make you a great girlfriend, it makes you a brave woman too.

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Isabelle Zanzer is a writer, storyteller and LLM Graduate of Sorbonne-Assas International Law School whose work has appeared in Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and Unwritten. She's currently a writer and editor for Mogul, MillionairesView, and Thought Catalog. Follow her on Twitter or visit her profile on Medium for more of her work.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.