Photo: Unsplash: Meireles Neto
You aren't all that sneaky with your secrets ... she just thinks you're pretty cute.
By Hannah Kern — Written on Apr 13, 2020
Husbands, boyfriends and men of the general public, we hate to break it to you, but you're not fooling anyone with the ways you guys try to play mind games and keep little secrets from us women.
Even when you think you're being slicker than slick, we're already at least 100 steps ahead of you at each and every turn.
There's no one who can read you better than your girlfriend, wife or whatever label you call your romantic partner, especially once you've been together for longer than just a few months and she's already falling in love.
Trust me, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over two years now (we also live together) and I can read his mind like an open book.
We can read our boyfriends' moods. We know our husbands' thoughts. It's like there's no secret to any of a man's actions at a certain point.
But for some reason, that truth can be hard to accept for some men. Guys don't want to believe that women know their every move, and why would they? That can be a hard pill to swallow.
On the other hand, it's hilarious how not subtle some men can be sometimes. Do they really think that we don't notice any of their not-at-all sneaky advances?
I had an ex-boyfriend who would always check out other girls in public and was absolutely sure that I wasn't paying any attention. He would try so hard to be shady about it, but I definitely caught on every time.
I mean, seriously, did he think I wouldn't notice him turning his head every time an attractive woman walked by? Come on! How much more obvious can you be?
And the best thing is when you point out something you noticed to a guy and he acts like he has no idea what you're talking about. HA!
It's not that guys don't try hard enough to cover up whatever it is they don't want us to know, of course, but rather that they don't seem to understand that there's a proper way to hide things.
When you really think about, though, there's no reason to hide anything from the women you're in a relationship with at all!
Most of the time, it's the nature of the action itself that yearns to be noticed. I mean, how can any girl not notice a guy immediately break his neck trying to look at another woman as soon as she turns away?
In fact, one woman on Reddit recently asked her sister redditors this very question, "Girls of Reddit, what's something guys think they do sneakily but you always notice?"
The women responding to her thread definitely had a thing or two to say about this particular topic, and believe me when I say their responses are all too relatable!
So sit back, gentlemen, and check out what the ladies had to say.
Here are 11 secrets men try to keep from women that we simply choose to ignore when we like you.
(If at any point you feel like a complete doofus reading these responses, don't fret. It takes a certain kind of intelligence to get these things past any lady's eye.)
1. Welcoming us to the "gun show."
"Every guy I have ever met, that I have put my hand on their arm, has flexed. Lol, makes me smile. Not, like, they go Hulk Hogan, and make a big show of it and rip their shirt off. But they go from relaxed, to flexing the arm I am touching. My husband does it when I pat his arm, my buddy does it when I nudge his arm to pass me the remote, the IT guy at my old job did it when I had to ask him a question and show him something. It's funny/cute."
2. Yes, we know our hair smells good.
"Smelling our hair when we hug."
3. Like I said, we have eyes like a hawk.
"Looking in the direction a girl is about to be walking so it doesn't look like they were trying to check her out. They can play it off as just happening to look in the direction that an attractive girl walked through. I love watching that happen, and the subsequent glare from his wife because she saw it too, but he thinks he's innocent and sly."
4. Myth: Guys don't have feelings.
"My husband always pretends to act like nothing's wrong when I know he's hurt."
5. We know when you're flirting.
"Flirting. So, uh, um, w-what are you, ahem, d-doing here??"
6. It's OK. We get boogies, too.
"Trying to discreetly pick their noses. The exception was this one weirdo at the bus stop who made no effort to hide it. He was up to his wrist in his nostril, but he didn't stop there. So nasty."
7. We know when you're trying to avoid answering our questions.
"Not really 'sneaky' but whenever I ask my bf a question, if he replies with 'what' before answering, I know his answer will be disappointing.
Me: "Did you remember to pick up xyz?'
Him: 'What?'
Me:'So, that's a no ...'"
8. Itchy much?
"When they discreetly scratch or adjust themselves. We always see you."
9. Yeah, we all know those "Does your boyfriend ..." questions.
"Asking seemingly innocuous questions about our boyfriends to see if we even have boyfriends. Example; I'm learning Spanish. Every guy at work; 'Oh, does your boyfriend speak Spanish?'"
10. We know whose pictures you like. Not even joking.
"My boyfriend doesn't know that I notice when he likes a pic of a hot girl on Instagram."
11. Yes, we did smell it.
"Farting ... my husband thinks he is slick and does those silent but deadly farts. The smell kills me."
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Hannah Kern is an avid writer with a passion for delving deep into interpersonal relationships.