If He Has A Girlfriend, Why Does He Want Me? What To Do About It

He's the perfect guy... but he has a girlfriend.

unhappy woman looking at a man across a table Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

Picture this: you meet the most perfect guy and find that you are the object of his affection — and the feels are mutual. 

However, he unfortunately then lets you know that he has a girlfriend.

This can be one of the most frustrating and awkward situations to be in, and leaves you thinking: if he has a girlfriend why does he want me?

RELATED: 20 Obvious Signs A Guy Has Never Had A Girlfriend

1. You are new and exciting to him.

If this guy who's in a relationship is flirting with you, one of the reasons could be that he's bored in his current relationship and wants something more exciting and fun to look forward to.


That might be why he's pursuing you if he has a girlfriend. 

Don't confuse his actions with the thought that he likes you, because that doesn't mean he sees you as girlfriend material and you for sure don't want to be his sidepiece. 

Pay attention to body language as the two of you talk and spend time with each other more and more.

2. His relationship is on a rocky road.

If his relationship is on the rocks and he's looking for an escape route because he's unhappy, he could turn to an outside form of help, such as you.

However, you don't want to be his safety net and excuse to leave his current relationship as that makes him look cowardly and unattractive. 


Flirting with you makes him feel better and for a moment, take him out of his relationship to seek new possibilities. If he acts on his doubts with you, you're now being set up as the rebound girl which is what you don't want. 

3. He wants a fling with you, no-strings-attached.

All he might be thinking after flirting with you is how am I going to get this woman in bed or hook up with her.

Why do guys flirt when they have a girlfriend? He might be flirting with you if he has a girlfriend because he only sees you as a booty call and you have to be careful of that. You don't want to be used by this man because if this is the case, he doesn't care about your feelings.

He wants to use you as a no-strings-attached fling and if you agree to that then he looks at you as if you are easy and he's not going to feel guilty or dirty but it might make you feel that way if you agree to it.


This is also a bad idea as you don't know if you're the only girl he's doing this with as for all you know he could have multiple partners and affairs. 

If you genuinely believe by sleeping with him that he'll leave his girlfriend then that's your choice, but nine times out of ten he won't.

4. He wants to get back at his girlfriend if she cheated. 

If he uses the excuse that his girlfriend cheated on him in order to try and get with you, that's one of the many red flags that could pop up.

Sometimes they just might be saying that, but even if it is true that's not a good way to start a relationship with someone because he sees you as a dagger of revenge to put in his girlfriend's heart.


He sees you as nothing more than a conquest for getting back at his ex and getting revenge for himself. Don't let his story convince you that it's ok to help him cheat back because you don't need to feel sorry for him — he's only using you to make himself feel better.

5. He doesn't think he'll get caught. 

This is a really shady reason and not at all a good start to a relationship. 

If you agree to this, you're only jeopardizing yourself because you're kept as a secret and are a piece in a game to him that he wants to only play with once and a while.

The better scenario for you is if he were to have a girlfriend and break up with her for you without having to fear being caught.


RELATED: I'm The 'Crazy' Girlfriend Everyone Warned You About

What should you know before you make a move?

You don't want to become "the other woman," but you are put in this situation now that your crush has made a move on you despite being in a relationship.

So, what should you do?

The first thing you need to know is that men sometimes want what they can't have and that becomes a problem if he betrays his girlfriend's trust by acting on those desires. You're allowed to talk to a guy with a girlfriend but you also don't want to be a homewrecker.

If the two of you end up having feelings for each other then that can also be hard to ignore, especially if they are real and are feelings of love, not lust. 


However, you have to understand how to go about it so you don't end up having a bad reputation or end up being heartbroken.

1. Decide what your stance is: Do you continue flirting or not?

If you love someone who has a girlfriend, you have to know his upfront intentions so you don't be the one who's screwed over in the end, especially if you love him. 

Once he leaves his girlfriend, if he even does, then he is free to make a move on you but until then set some boundaries so you won't get heartbroken.

If you've caught feelings for this guy but he still is with his girlfriend, you have to make a decision to either keep flirting or stop until he's ended the relationship with his current girlfriend.


The best option for you would be the latter, as you don't want to have to worry about someone else in the relationship and you also don't want to feel guilty for wanting to be with someone who's not available. 

Think about all the options and see what works best. Ultimately, it would be good if the two of you talked it out and he agreed to break up with his girlfriend for you and actually does as he's showing you he genuinely wants to be with you and those feelings are real to him. 

If he at any point tries to push you to do something that you don't want or isn't comfortable setting boundaries with you, then you know your answer. 

2. Don't interfere in his current relationship.

Sometimes it's hard not to get overwhelmed and want this guy all to yourself right away if the feelings the two of you have developed are real. However, you need to be respectful and let his current relationship run its course.


Let him deal with the stress of ending it, not you. He should be willing and able to end it himself and do the right thing if he really wants to be with you.

You shouldn't have to remind him or push him to do it as it's something he should do on his own to show you that he loves you more. 

If their relationship is already on the rocks then it's only a matter of time before it ends.


3. Find out his motives.

If he really does end things with his girlfriend then you need to find out his motive for your relationship and make sure that his relationship history doesn't repeat itself.

Make sure he's seriously interested in you and that you're not just a passing fling. You need to make sure that he doesn't make you sway away from your standards or beliefs.

Stay your ground and let him do the work to win over you. 

4. Make you move once the dust settles from his old relationship.

If he does end up breaking up with his girlfriend to be with you, then that's great if the two of you discussed it and developed feelings of love for one another.


However, just because he's single now doesn't mean the two of you can jump in together and start dating as there might be leftover feelings of anger or resentment from both sides and you have to let that settle before you can start anything, even though you already have in a way. 

This way if the two of you wait a little to start the new relationship you're not overshadowed by the last one. This also gives him time to process his last relationship and any feelings that he has leftover for his former partner to fade. Rushing is never a good thing to do.

RELATED: 10 Traits Guys Look For In A Girlfriend

Megan Hatch is a writer at YourTango who covers news & entertainment, love & relationships, and internet culture. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.