You Don't Love Me, You Love The Way I Make You Feel

Photo: KIRAYONAK YULIYA / Shutterstock
man whispering in woman's ear
Partner
Heartbreak

By Jenny Chang

I once heard a guy tell me that he would marry me, just to say he “married” me.

Boy, bye.

Learning the world of Love in many ways is exhilarating, but in other moments it can be pretty damn discouraging. I understand it’s about gaining new perspectives, and for that, I’m grateful.

I can’t help but feel chosen to walk the paths that I do; paths to meeting different types of lovers, and experiencing the unique forms of love to help me gain knowledge.

Through my young journey, I’m learning how to emotionally feel, and logically see the difference between those who truly love me, and those who love me for the way I make them feel.

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To compare the difference, I have to be an incredibly lovable person, right? Let’s be honest, how else would I be able to tell the experience apart?

I’m confident and entirely grateful to say that I’m a very loved lady. From family to friends, clients to business relationships, animals to acquaintances, and, of course, boys to men.

You see, we all have a secret power — a gift. Your gift may be to nurture and make one feel secure in life. Someone else’s gift may be to provide all the finances and gifts in the world to secure their love, and another’s to deliver the best oral sex one can ever experience.

No matter your gift, we all have something exceptional to offer the world.

And if you’re like me, your gift is to connect with just about anyone and make them feel like they’re the only one in the whole world that matters.

Not to say that he/she/they are the only ones that matter to me; in fact, to every new relationship I build. I have a natural ability to create a single-world with them, a world made just for us.

I’m addicted to leering the greatest potential in someone and spending the time for them to recognize, and act on it.

I’m passionate about my gift, and there’s nothing that demands the power of equality than in the relationships of love. Love requires a balance of exchange, am I right?

Listen, if I’m making you feel as good about you, best believe you’re going to make me feel just as good about me. When I’m complimenting your strengths, boy, you’re going to be mindful enough to feel mine.

As I make you feel like you’re the only one in the world, you’re going to be a man who builds one for us. No exceptions.

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Knowing the difference between a person who loves you and the person who loves the way you make them feel, can and will help define your relationship with every new person you commit to.

So how do we recognize the difference between the person who loves you, and a person who loves the way you make them feel?

Below are the only comparisons you’ll ever need to know:

You love the way I make you feel.

Boy, don’t tell me you love me when all we did was talk about you.

I mean, I can’t deny that at one point, you loved being around me, or that you still do.

I’m fabulous.

However, as a logical-creative hybrid, I can admit that you felt feelings of love because of the attention, praises, motivation given, and if you got lucky, the incomparable physical experience I so graciously gave.

You’re energized because of me, and see the world of potentials in yourself — but only yourself. You felt significant, listened-to, and you could finally see the inner best of you. I gave you the directions to a map you didn’t know you had.

You don’t love me, baby, you haven’t asked enough questions, or dove deep enough into my mind to have that kind of privilege.

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You loved seeing me for where I am now, instead of learning about the lessons that have brought me here today, or the triggers and passions that’ll take me into my tomorrows.

When we talked till the sun rose, we spoke of where you’ve been, where you are now, and we mapped out where you’ll go from here. It was your journey you loved, not me.

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You really do love me.

There’s a person in my life, in particular, that comes to mind when scribing this. The only man who has the leverage and right to example the definition of loving me for all that I’m made of.

The one who understands my absolute chaotic mind and observes it as art. The person who challenges me to face my vulnerabilities and helps rebuild them to be a part of my greatest strengths. The only one who can call out my b******* in exchange for my utmost respect.

We can share our ancient minds and wisdom, together laugh like foolish hyenas, rap like we’re Kanye and Kanye, and my favorite, sharing our greatest and purest intentions and plan to share it with the world.

He finds ways to make love with my mind, as much as he hopes to with my body... again.

To concretely know if this man is one that presently exists in my life, or if he’s someone that I expect in my future partner is irrelevant.

You’re here to seek the balance and mindfulness of knowing the difference between the "real" and the "idea."

It’s simple: the one who loves you will take their time to learn and continue to explore every inch of your mind, body, and soul.

The one who loves you is the one who loves where you’ve been, where you are now, and chooses to tag along in the journey you’re going on.

The person who loves you is the one with an equal level of curiosity in your inner and outer happiness, ticks, lifestyle, and goals.

The one who loves you will create a map and guide you in seeking your happiness, security, and deserving through asking all the right questions.

And you’ll do the same.

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Jenny Chang is an editor and writer for Unwritten who focuses on relationship, lifestyle, and self-love topics. Visit her author profile on Unwritten for more.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.